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Inconvenient questions!

By this point, we’ve all had a chance to see the newest DC Universe animated movie, The Judas contract, the second movie in their reimagining of the Teen titans property. It’s the second movie, which also means it’s the second time they’ve taken on a popular storyline from the comics and old cartoon… Last time it was the Trigon arc, this time it’s the Terra arc, which you already know I wasn’t too fond of in the cartoon. They did a pretty solid job with the first movie, despite placing the popular story arc in the hands of a brand new team and timeline and changing a lot of details, and in my opinion, they did even better with The Judas Contract. They combined the comic and cartoon versions of the arc in a way that added depth and conflict to the former, as well as reason and logic to the latter, and it was pretty funny to boot. They used the popular story to create their own mythology and canon, and if you consider just how “of the times” the other two tellings were, that’s really the right way to go.

But now that we have two good Teen titans movies, it’s time to look back at the FIRST Teen Titans movie, Trouble in Tokyo. One of my readers, Owen, asked me to write a piece on it, and while I originally promised to write a full review, but now that I’ve rewatched it, I honestly don’t have a strong opinion on it. I don’t like it, but I don’t hate it. It’s just a dumb movie full of dumb shit. and what do I do with dumb movies that are full of dumb shit? That’s right, I do Inconvenient questions posts on them! And okay, fine , I know I just did one of these last week, and that’s a little tacky, but hey, I work for myself, and I’m not exactly going to fire myself. I mean, unless I start investigating my own ties to Russia, in which case I’ll HAVE to fire myself. Man that would be an awkward meeting.

For those of you who are new to Inconvenient question, I go through a movie or mini-series and ask every single question I can think to ask, in sequential order. I’ll also be giving out time-stamps for each question, so if you’re watching the movie while reading, there’ll be no question as to what each question is referring to.

What more can I say, except… Go!

1: 00:00:16 How is there room between two busy lanes of traffic for one car to straddle the line, let alone a large truck?

2: 00:00:27He was driving on the line a few seconds ago, now he’s wedged right between two lines? How are the separations that close together, and how much has he moved since stopping?

3: 00:00:35 Weren’t those lanes busy a second ago?

4: 00:00:40 how are the lanes already busy again, despite an explosion, a man lying in the middle of the street, and that giant truck still stuck there? And speaking of which, how did a truck like that one come to such an abrupt stop without losing control of it’s trailer?

5: 00:01:00 What are they standing on?

6: 00:01:20 They were clearly standing on a stone surface before, now they’re on the back of a bus?

7: 00:01:40 Instead of Robin wasting rockets, wouldn’t it have been more sensible for Raven and Starfire to hit him with their powers?

8: 00:01:53 how hard is that Turtle Shell?

9: 00:02:27 Raven normally flies like Starfire, more or less. She’s never flown on a disk before, that I know of. Is she doing it now JUST for the sake of an unfunny joke with Beatboy?

10: 00:02:45 Okay, so, remember Green Hornet? It was awful. One of the worst moments was when Seth was fleeing the scene of a crime, so a police officer drives up alongside him and tries to shoot him through his window. It was obviously done to show us that the windows are bulletproof, but that doesn’t change the fact that an officer of the law… Presumably trained for his job… Tried to kill a petty thief who was driving a heavy motor vehicle. If the window WASN’T unbreakable, his car would have turned into a fucking missile of destruction and death. It’s the example I always come back to when talking about lazy, contrived writing, and the consequences of having a “The ends justifies the means” attitude towards your story. No matter what your goal is, you have to be mindful of the implications you’re making, if you give two shits about what you’re writing. For example, the writers of this movie want to show us that this villain can rematerialize lost limbs, but what they’re really telling us is how willing Cyborg is to FUCKING MAIM PEOPLE.

11: 00:02:49 This fucking movie… Cyborg’s window isn’t broken, and he has no sunroof. How did that bomb just land there without breaking through anything?

12: 00:03:03 In what universe did Starfire think this was a good idea?

13: 00:03:20 how did the extra weight of catching Starfire not throw Robin off balance on his motorcycle?

14: 00:04:00 And how did he get his motorcycle on top of the train? Wouldn’t that train also mess with his speed? He’d go too fast or too slow, depending on it’s direction!

15: 00:04:35 Why is the power of his bombs so inconsistent?

16: And if the tower has windows looking outside, why does the outside surface just look like a solid, rocky plain?

17: 00:04:45 Why couldn’t we see all the damage he’s done so far in the shot behind Raven?

18: 00:05:45 He flew down the surface of the tower, throwing energy blasts through it. The damage he did looks nothing like the damage we see in their living room. And shouldn’t they be used to their home being destroyed by now? It happened so often in the series!

19: 00:05:54 Hypothetically, would Beastboy be so obsessed with the idea of going on a vacation if the story wasn’t leading there?

20: 00:06:00 Can’t they just buy a new sofa? And why can’t he build one, if he’s able to build a car? Or is he just rubbish when it comes to upholstery?

21: 00:06:24 Shouldn’t the removal of larger debris come before dusting? and with the windows broken inwards like that, is it really such a good idea to dust on your knees?

22: 00:06:32 Okay, I don’t recall the titans taking a vacation, but they traveled to other countries all the time, and Beastboy never called any of THOSE trips vacations.

23: 00:07:06 You had to be expecting me to comment on this one. How the hell does that translation computer work? Is it like that ear thing from Hitchhikers Guide? does it change the air in a way that speech is altered to English in mid wave? And Japanese isn’t just made of different words from English, it’s structured differently, as well. How does it know what words to translate before those words are even spoken in the untranslated sentence? for crying out loud, Starfire learning languages by kissing makes more sense than this.

24: 00:07:45 Considering what we learn later, is Psychotek putting on an act right now? And wouldn’t it make more sense for him to just tell Robin “If you want answers, go to Shinjuku?” I have more questions about this, but I’ll get to them later.

25: 00:08:23 And maybe this script wasn’t idiot-proof. Seriously, was this thing adapted from a church play? you know, where parents write lame jokes for their kids in order to exploit how cute they are saying them?

26: 00:08:43 Why does robin pick Tokyo, out of all of Japan?

27: I’m going to ignore this musical title sequence. Not because it makes sense in some kind of way… I mean, not only do none of the things they pack show up anywhere else in the movie, but they never pack for any other international mission, and only one of them is seeing this as a vacation… Personally, I believe in the “One reality principal,” which I may have made up, that states that every single thing that happens in a fictional universe is canon to that universe regardless of tone or intention, so I’m not writing this off as an excusable comedy sequence either… I’m skipping it to preserve both my time and my sanity. To summarize, Starfire’s clothes should be covered in alien bile, Cyborg has a sentient extra head, they’re flying in aimless circles, and there’s an island with portapotties on it. None of it’s funny, let’s just move on.

28: 00:10:53 Okay, one question: How is Beastboy moving into other peoples’ pods to take pictures of them?

29: 00:11:00 That’s not Mount Fuji, is it? Fuji’s in Honshu, not Tokyo, which generally isn’t a mountainous city. Unless that’s Mount Takao, I’m calling bullshit.

30: 00:11:24 A left at Hawaii? That would mean they were traveling North from South America!

31: 00:11:28 Has Beastboy seriously never heard the full name of the great wall? Because it’s popularly known as “The Great Wall of China.” Has it NEVER been referred to as anything other than “The Great Wall” in his presence?

32: 00:11:40 Where to begin… First of all, if you’re doing a tribute to Japanese culture, don’t treat the viewer like an idiot, just call it Manga. Second of all, there are a ton of MANGA manufacturers, what makes this one so important to him? And what does he hope to get out of taking a tour in Japanese? What’s he expecting to see other than a bunch of offices? There may be artwork on the walls, sure, but are they franchises he likes?

33: 00:12:12 What are they walking on? The surface of the Death Star? And how do they not know they’re being filmed? I mean, it’s from behind, but there’d have to be some kind of floating camera following them, and at the very least Robin or Raven would notice it.

34: 00:13:28 i’m pretty sure the area he’s referring to is Kabukicho, a legitimately dangerous red light district in Shinjuku… But would a brochure really advertise that,though? And if so, how did he read it? Raven couldn’t findanything in english later on.

35: 00:13:57 I like the rare burst of continuity we’re seeing here, but even “alien logic” doesn’t explain how Starfire can do this.

36: 00:15:00 Despite some inaccuracies, the portrayal of Japan has been mostly respectful up until this point. Do we really need a giant monster attack? And why would any Japanese person, who doesn’t have the same perspective of Japanese culture as Americans do, resort to such a cheap cliche?

37: 00:15:18 And with all those wires down, shouldn’t the rest of the movie take place in the middle of a widespread black-out?

38: 00:16:14 If the villain made this thing out of ink, why wouldn’t he make it move faster and do more things to make it a legitimate threat? He’s not very imaginative, is he?

39: 00:16:19 how does the amount of gas a car consumes dictate how much damage it will deliver as a projectile?

40: 00:16:39 Is that seriously the best it can do? Shoot ink? Why not acid? Why not fire? The last villain they fought could create explosions, so don’t tell me that a giant monster should only be able to shoot ink! He shouldn’t be limited to the threat level of a Nickelodeon game show.

41: 00:16:48 One of my only complaints about The Judas Contract was Cyborg’s unexplained absence, but he looks so stupid in this scene that I don’t care anymore.

42: 00:17:06 Not that Starfire looks any smarter here…

43: 00:17:16 Wait, is that monster made of ink, or electronics?

44: 00:17:33 You know, it would have been funnier if she insulted his shirt by saying “Just pretend it’s part of the design.”

45: 00:17:55 How big is the deathtoll in this sequence? Those can’t all be abandoned buildings.

46: 00:18:06 The monster was slow moving. How did it catch up with where robin was on a speeding train in time to smash him with it’s tail?

47: 00:18:19 Where did that ring of green fire go?

48: 00:18:30 Are those clown cars? How many soldiers can fit in each one?

49: 00:20:11 THIS is their portrayal of Japanese law enforcement? Did the writers do any research? Any, whatsoever?

50: 00:20:24 I have to ask, how much of this police building’s architecture was inspired by Evangelion?

51: 00:20:34 How does it not cross the titans minds that a police force full of hundreds of identical silent, masked minions might not be on the up and up?

52: 00:21:00 HEY DUMBASSES, you can increase something by whatever percent you want, but it doesn’t work that way for decreasing. Once something’s decreased by 100 percent, it’s gone. To decrease something by 200 percent, you’re talking about it being twice ZERO. You’re either lying through your teeth, or you’re dealing with imaginary numbers. Who runs your operation, Donald Trump?

53: 00:22:10 Oh, the balls on these writers… Yeah, Robin’s the one who’s ignorant of Japan’s culture. Brushogun’s a myth, but giant fucking dinosaurs are such an everyday occurrence that soldiers are specifically trained to deal with them. Your permission to use our equipment is now revoked, young hero! And why the fuck would the news of Brushogun being based on a fictional story dissuade robin? He has evidence that Brushogun exists from his encounter with Psychotek, and oh yeah, for those of you who are ignorant of American culture, Robin used to work for this one dude who fought characters based on fictional stories on a regular basis. How many fucking Alice in Wonderland villains has robin encountered by this point? Is the idea that someone might be basing their actions on an old story so impossible to him? Fuck this movie.

54: 00:22:26 If Robin needed a computer to translate Japanese for him, and Starfire had to kiss someone to learn it, and Raven struggles with the language barrier later on, then why the hell are there so many characters in this movie who speak English without provocation, and even to each other, despite both being Japanese? It happens a lot in this movie, but i’m isolating it here, because… Mr. Mayor? Seriously? Is that something a Japanese person would EVER say?

55: 00:22:35 They travel to other countries as heroes on a mission a lot, so it never feels like an issue, but if a member of the local government is calling them tourists, then I’d like to remind you that they’re there illegally…

56: 00:23:13 did she just tell Robin not to blame Robin?

57: 00:23:40 Why does Beastboy keep dragging his friends to that building? Why can’t he just go by himself?

58: 00:24:00 You know, this might be the place in the script where someone, likely Cyborg, actually tries to reason with Robin about taking a little bit of time off, instead of just throwing out another unfunny, loud, shouting sight gag. It might even help Robin, and even the whole team, to have an arc outside of “DURHURHUR let’s make the main couple kiss!”

59: 00:24:13 *Sigh* Where’s the camera recording them, why is he saying this out loud, why is he speaking English when he’s alone. I’m going to be repeating the same complaints a lot in this piece if I’m not careful.

60: 00:25:06 Am I to understand that Cyborg understands a bit of Japanese? I mean, it makes sense, since his brain is part computer, but why didn’t he employ this knowledge elsewhere? Or did he just memorize the words “All you can eat” in every language just in case?

61: 00:25:33 Why doesn’t Beastboy just, you know, go to a manga store or something?

62: 00:26:47 Okay… Jesus Christ… It’s a combination of Dance Dance Revolution, Guitar Hero and Whack-a-mole. Not entirely unfeasible, but what the hell’s the helmet for? Wouldn’t it prevent her from seeing the screen that she’s supposed to be paying attention to?

63: 00:27:40 how does Raven know Latin, a dead language, but not the classic second language choices like French, Spanish and Japanese?

64: 00:27:56 you probably feel like he’s still out there somewhere because you’ve still got at least two brain cells working, and they just happen to occasionally bump into each other.

65: 00:28:30 The will-they-won’t-they dynamic between Starfire and Robin was always the weakest element of the series, to me at least. I could never piece together why there was anything between them, outside of the fact that Robin’s the central character and Starfire’s slightly more traditionally attractive than Raven. That’s not to say it was never good… There was some nice developmental dialogue between them in Stranded, after all… But it always felt forced and shallow, and the George Lucas romantic dialogue they get to spew out during this movie doesn’t help.

66: 00:29:14 “Fear? No way, my brain cells bumped into each other again! I just remembered something I already knew that just happened to be one of the only details I had to go on in the first place! Brushogun MUST be real, he MUST be! Captain Fucking Obvious, AWAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!”

67: 00:29:16 Oh, and poor Starfire… She’s learned so many languages through lip contact, and she was just about to finally learn to speak in tongues.

68: 00:29:35 There’s nothing fun about WATCHING it, either.

69: 00:29:56 You know, I love how this whole story arc began when Robin got jealous of Starfire casually kissing someone, and now Star’s the one acting thirsty while Robin acts cold. These two are are all over the place.

70: 00:31:00 Do Raven and Cyborg have anything important to do in this movie? I’ll get to Raven in a moment, but did they really have to pull the old “Hungry character can eat too much for an all you can eat buffet” cliche just to keep him active in the story? They basically turned him into a “yo mama” joke.

71: 00:31:05 And if every English speaking Japanese character that we’ve seen so far has spoken accented but perfect English, why does THIS one speak in stereotypes?

72: 00:31:27 Wouldn’t live squid have been more of a challenge?

73: 00:31:30 Oh and by the way, Beastboy, if the girl you’re chasing has been running so long that the sun’s gone down, maybe this is more of a blurred lines situation than you think.

74: 00:31:42 Yelling that you’re an otaku will probably not convince a girl to stop running away from you.

75: 00:32:15 For real, I actually do like this scene. It really does capture how weird Japanese song lyrics sound when translated directly. Well, at least anime themes. also, random Ganguro girl in the audience, but would she really be hanging out with a bunch of normal girls?

76: 00:33:43 More of a Japanese guy monologing to himself in English. Whatever. But is that really what rbin’s next idea was? to change locations, but continue to examine the weapon he stole?

77: 00:36:00 I’ve got nothing against this fight, but why is Brushogun sending goons after the Titans in the first place? They’re at a dead end! They’ve got nothing! The only clue they have to go on is the fact that a villain they fought back home came from Japan. They don’t even know what that villain’s motives were, and since he started off by attacking cars and didn’t try to fight the Tower until the Titans attacked him, they don’t know he was sent for them. They have no idea what the situation is, they have no idea what’s going on, and if they weren’t attacked by ink-based minions, they never would have even scratched the surface of Brushogun’s crimes. This whole situation, and I mean every part of it, was just a lazy, half-assed scheme to put the Titans in Tokyo, so the studio could exploit the anime fans who were pissed about the series being cancelled. Prove me wrong. Prove to me that even an ounce of passion or creativity went into this shit.

78: 00:36:43 If Robin were under some sort of mental duress, it would make sense for him to go ham on his enemy like this. If it were an actual person who could be killed, he would have rolled him over and pinned his arm behind his back, or something. For him to fight murderously against someone he thinks is human who attacked him out of the blue while he was of a relatively even state of mind… t feels completely out of character, am I right?

79: 00:37:30 Why doesn’t he mention that he did it in self defense?

80: 00:37:31 Does nobody seriously notice that the blood stains are pink? I feel like that would be a huge thing.

81: 00:38:26 And yet you did. sorry, robin, but the way you were punching him, any regular human would be dead.

82: 00:38:46 Wait, Tokyo does not tolerate vigilantes? Then why didn’t they get arrested for fighting Klodzilla? Why did you almost let them use your station for their investigation?

83: 00:39:20 Why is the book-keeper speaking to her in English? I know a lot of Japanese people can speak our language, but how can he tell at first glance that it’s what she speaks?

84: 00:39:50 Think about it… Do we really need Raven’s reveal about Brushogun not being a myth? What does knowing that accomplish? We already knew that, and they’re going to find out anyway. If this is supposed to be a game changing reveal, you’re giving it to the wrong character for it to have any impact.

85: 00:39:53 You’ve gotta be kidding me… Beastboy has an army of girls surrounding him, and he’s going to run away from them to pursue a girl he’s never spoken to and just met that day? What’s so special about her that you can’t get from an army of chicks?

86: 00:40:25 Why not just give him the chilled monkey brains while you’re at it?

87: 00:40:33 Why can that chef breathe fire?

88: 00:41:00 Does Starfire have anything better to do than to walk around wistfully and mope over her crush?

89: 00:42:00 Oh come on, now you’re just fucking with me! Why is he talking to reporters, on TV, in English?!

90: 00:42:04 What justification does he have to make robin’s partners turn themselves in? Is guilty by association a Japanese thing?

91: 00:42:48 And how is Brushogun listening in on their communicators?

92: 00:43:30 how was that big yellow robot able to stay hidden all this time?

93: 00:43:47 Couldn’t Beastboy turn into a cat BOY is he wanted to?

94: 00:44:45 how was robin able to survive an explosion he was less than a foot away from that flipped over the truck they were inside of?

95: 00:44:52 And considering what we find out later, how can that driver be injured?

96: 00:45:06 Yes, Robin. Brushogun is real. Great job. Are we done with this now? Are we convinced? We’re not going to second guess this anymore? Good boy.

97: 00:46:00 How did Cyborg reassemble himself after that?

98: 00:46:34 Well, you could always go racist. Not a classy move, I admit, but if you’ve got nothing else to work with, there’s nothing wrong with working blue. Or, you know, green.

99: 00:46:40 Also, that cat girl’s kinda hot. She does look a bit underaged, but she’s made out of ink, so… What would that be? Stationery rape?

100: 00:47:53 Yeah, don’t you know you’re supposed to tap people on the shoulder and make sure they’re aware before you hit them?

101: 00:48:30 So, were the writers aware that only the police in Japan are allowed to carry guns? I mean, I guess it could be an illegal gun, but this movie was produced largely in 2006(released in 2007), when there were only two gun related homicides in the entire country. Even the Yakuza tend to avoid them, so where’d this random thug get his hands on one?

102: 00:49:55 Targeting Shinjuku is one thing, but how did he know what the worst spot in town was?

103: 00:50:16 So how long ago was Brushogun alive, exactly? I forget if this was established in the film. It must have been recent, from the way this barkeep is talking about him. A bit too recent to become mythology, right?

104: 00:51:00 Wait, how did the troopers find Robin?

105: 00:51:55 Oh, for the love of… They know he’s Robin? What the fuck was the point of the disguise? What purpose did the alleyway thug scene serve, if they were able to track him to the first place he went, mobilize an entire task force to pursue him and block him in on the highway, and… Why was that scene necessary? Nothing would have changed if he’d done all of this while dressed as Robin!!!

106: 00:52:20 Can’t the helicopters go after them? Huh? Hey! Hey movie! Can’t the troopers helicopters just go after them? They have helicopters! Did you forget the helicopters?!

107: 00:53:30 so the blood was ink. Considering the body robin left behind is with the cops, and this hasn’t been discovered in time to halt the investigation, that must mean the cops are ignoring or suppressing evidence, meaning it’s very likely that the chief they met earlier has something to gain from the Team being framed and the ink thing not being revealed. That must mean he’s behind the Brushogun attacks! well, that and he’s the only other named character in the movie. It’s obvious now, but hey, let’s hold out a little while after the youngest possible viewer has already figured out your big shocking secret, huh?

108: 00:54:10 There’s about a hundred different ways this reveal could have gone down, but I’m glad they used it to give Raven a purpose in the movie. Not much of a character arc, though.

109: 00:55:08 Wait a second… I won’t say rip-off, but was this backstory inspired by the episode Spellbound? It’s not an exact match, but there are some parallels.

110: 00:55:10 Who recovered robin’s clothes?

111: 00:55:20 you know, there’s something disturbing about a bunch of fictional animated characters talking about the ethical bullet-dodge of killing someone who’s only made of ink. I mean, if they ever became aware in a meta sense, they’d deeply regret this conversation.

112: 00:55:33 Did he just change clothes in front of them? Is that why Starfire looks so star-struck?

113: 00:55:50 Why is everyone in Tokyo out to get them? Were they hypnotized, or did “Mr. Mayor“ offer a reward for their capture? I mean, not for nothing, but I can distinctly remember being told that Tokyo doesn’t tolerate vigilantes.

114: 00:55:57 How did the ink monsters find them?

115: 00:56:14 I’ve been trying to hold back on saying this for a while, but there wasn’t a lot of money available for this movie, was there? The fight scenes were kinda lame, especially with robin in the bar and the little snippets of action we got from the other team members in their fights, but now we’ve got THIS scene, and yeah, low budget, huh?

116: 00:57:13 This extended chase sequence could really use some actual Japanese music. I mean, you’re gonna have a scene like this in Japan, you could play something more appropriate and less generic, right? Oh well, at least it’s eating up time on the clock.

117: 00:57:38 And HOW does Robin know the trail leads there? I mean, the more likely scenario would be that Beastboy takes them all the way there, and gets accused of lying to bring them there. And WHO’S TRAIL IS HE SNIFFING, EVEN?!?!

118: 00:59:40 With a whole world of superheroes out there, how did Brushogun know about the titans, and why did he send for them? Batman could have handled the situation a lot quicker. And why did he send a henchman that spoke Japanese? did he know they had a translator machine? And how did he know they’d make the extreme leap of logic that he’d be in Tokyo, let alone in Shinjuku, on the incredibly vague clue that the henchman was Japanese?

119: 01:00:14 Why does he have to beat them to make copies of them? Why not just do it?

120: 01:00:25 The villain was really… the only other named character in the entire movie? I haven’t been this shocked since the sun rose yesterday!

121: 01:00:56 So if the only real criminal the Chief ever caught was Brushogun, what happened to all the other criminals? I mean, with 200 percent crime reduction…

122: 01:02:03 Wait, Robin got treated like a criminal for pursuing an investigation against a corrupt authority member? well shit, if he ever hangs up his hero boots, he’d make a great FBI director.

123: 01”01:-7 Yeah, about nobody believing Robin’s story… Having all of those soldiers made out of ink with no real identities, pasts or families must already be a nightmare in terms of insurance, taxes and payroll.

124: 01:04:40 Yeah, Chief’s body just got crushed, and now he’s dead. There’s no way he could survive that, right?

125: 01:05:12 Nah. Too easy.

126: 01:07:25 I dunno if that was intentional, but sick Akira reference. But more to the point, how is Robin gonna breathe in there?

127: 01:08:00 How did he detatch Brushogun’s tubes while working blind?

128: 01:09:40 Yay, they kissed. So what now? Is tightly-wound Robin gonna loosen up so they can go on dates and stuff? Is he capable of that? I mean, once the initial passion’s gone, I don’t see this ending well.

129: 01:10:30 So is Beastboy gonna get laid now? Or are they just gonna swarm him and make bird noises until he leaves the country?

130: 01:11:05 how did that happen again? She picked up the gum once, in front of a seller. Not a CEO, but a seller. Couldn’t her finished arc be that she bought a bunch of manga, and is going to put forth the effort to learn Japanese now?

131: 01:11:20 Is that a Japanese thing? Heroes getting medals in public? That’s not even an American thing, it just happens on TV a lot.

132: 01:11:32 And again, why is he addressing the Japanese crowd in English?

133: Out of all the show’s loose plot threads… Slade, Terra, the identity of Red X… All things a sequel to the series SHOULD have been focusing on… Why did it have to be the Robin and Starfire romance? Who even cared about that?

All right, that’s all. I’m done. No more questions. I’m going to bed.

I’ll get back to doing actual reviews next week, starting with one I’ve been meaning to do for a while, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya!

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It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I haven’t done one of these in a long time. And I’m not talking about Inconvenient questions, oh no, I do those all the time. I’m talking about doing an Inconvenient Questions post with a brand new Disney movie. I’ve done one for an old Disney movie, namely The Shitmare before Pissmas, but in terms of new Disney movies, I haven’t done one of these since Big Hero 6. Why? Well, Inside Out and Zootopia made too much sense. Yeah, I had some questions about the fundamentals of their worlds, butt I didn’t have any confusion over the story or characters of either. Also, I’d rather eat a dirty sponge than see The Good Dinosaur.

I rented Moana out of Redbox, and within five minutes, I had so many question that I knew one of these posts would be inevitable. So here I am, less than 12 hours later, watching it again with the benefit of hindsight. So for those of you who are new to this format, here’s what’s going to happen… I’m going to go through the film, from start to finish, listing every single question I have with the material, with a special focus on questions I don’t think the writers wanted anyone to ask. It’s kind of like Cinema Sins, but a different approach from a different perspective, so the similarities aren’t strong.

Oh, and this time around, I’ve decided to include a new feature: A timestamp on every question! That way, if you don’t want to watch the movie while reading this, you can just skip to the exact time of every single question I have! Isn’t that convenient?

Let’s go!

1: 00:01:00 In the universe of this movie, is there a world outside of the Polynesian Islands, or are they the only humans alive?

2: 00:01:06 Where did Te Fiti come from?

3: 00:02:10 Why was that tiny stone so important? Why does Te Fiti need it to function? Is it… Holy shit, is it an infinity stone?

4: 00:02:22 Okay, it’s her heart… Why is her heart on the outside of the body, instead of the inside?

5: 00:02:50 If Maui can turn into animals, why did he need a boat to reach Te Fiti?

6: 00:02:58 This is a spoiler, so I’m sorry to give it away, but if Grandma knows so much about Maui’s assault on Tefiti, how does she not know who the lava monster is?

7: 00:03:40 How does Grandma get the stuff she’s spilling on the parchment to move like that?

8: 00:03:58 How does she know there’ll be a chosen one?

9: 00:04:10 Why does her accent not match her son’s accent?

10: 00:04:12 Haven’t we had enough stories where the main character’s parents/Guardians want to keep them secluded somewhere safe, but they’re obviously wrong, and the main character has to break free? The Croods, Tangled, Hunchback of Notre Dammes, Finding Nemo, Hotel Transylvania, Little Mermaid, Zootopia, Frozen, Raising Gazorpazorp… The list goes on.

11: 00:04:32 Is exposition really a better thing to say here then “They’re just posters?”

12: 00:05:18 I actually really like how the water choosing Moana is set up… She shows herself to be brave and curious, then she saves a baby turtle, it’s really well done. But wouldn’t those birds kill her? She’s a toddler saying Shoo, and they’ve got eye-gouging beaks.

13: 00:05:30 Also, isn’t that baby turtle remarkably similar to the ones from Finding Nemo? Shared universe confirmed!

14: 00:07:27 Playing on the beach in ankle-deep water is too dangerous? His entire clan lives right next to the beach, what did he expect was going to happen?

15: 00:07:40 What the hell prompted this random discussion about her future?

16: 00: 07: 42 Jesus Christ… Try to play on the beach, and you get lectured about your proper place. What a weird family.

17: 00:08:21 What’s the deal with that bird? No, seriously, I dare you to say it. What’s the deal with that bird?

18: 00:08:31 It’s established that Daddy won’t let anyone go beyond the reef, but he won’t even let his kid TOUCH the water. Why?

19: 00:08:57 Now that they’re singing about coconuts, I have to ask… how accurate is this movie in regards to Polynesian culture? It’s watered down for kids, isn’t it?

20: 00:09:04 We know the chicken doesn’t feel pain… Either that or it’s suicidal… Still no explanation?

21: 00:09:50 Mostly asking for the lulz, but… Why does it look like Moana’s grandma is teaching her water bending?

22: 00:09:55 Okay, about this ‘father’s daughter’ crap. I’m glad that there’s a rising demand for and supply of strong female characters in media, but why are so many of them tomboyish? I’m not saying that’s a bad way to be, but after Brave, The Last of Us, Inside Out and others, it’s starting to seem like there are a lot of writers who can’t put a female in a starring role without giving them traditionally male interests to make them feel more relatable and easier to write. Hey, Hollywood, want a challenge? Make a feminine lead female character, and try to write them in a strong and relatable way. Just one. I dare you.

23: 00:10:05 Also, stubbornness and pride? These would be nice character flaws, but everything she does that’s stubborn is in pursuit of saving her people, and pride? Forget about it. She does nothing prideful, and hell, she’s more tenacious than stubborn.

24: 00:10:04 Was her father just waiting there this whole time?

25: 00:10:15 Why does she have even less of an accent than he does?

26: 00:10:35 Why is he just now giving her the ‘everything the light touches’ speech?

27: 00:10:49 Okay, I’m getting the impression that this village is traditionally patriarchal. Did the position of village chief just go to the first born of the family, who just happened to be male for the last three generations, or was it a long line of men that he just decided to ignore for his daughter’s sake?

28: same Also, wouldn’t it give the movie’s ‘girl power’ element a lot more heft if she wanted to be chief, but her father refused to let her, instead waiting for either a male heir to be born or for someone in the village to marry into the family? That would give her something to prove, as well as adding more personal stakes to her quest, wouldn’t it? Feels like a huge missed opportunity.

29: 00:11:30 If nobody leaves this village, and nobody crosses the reef, how inbred are they?

30: 00:12:14 How long has that pig been alive?

31: 00:12:15 If tomboyish female leads wasn’t enough of a cliche, does she have to have awkward speech patterns, too? That’s just as cliched! It’s also based heavily on modern American vernacular, which I guarantee is going to make this movie dated!

32: 00:12:38 Okay, I’m trying really hard not to jump on the whole “Mary-sue, she’s way too perfect” shit, but she can climb like an expert, fixes household problems, teaches dance to kids, has a male character whining while getting a tattoo put in front of her to make her look stronger… I’m just asking, at this point, what are her flaws?  don’t say stubbornness and pride, because BS.

33: same Also, where did that kid learn non-traditional dance moves?

34: 00:12:48 I’ve gotta say, I’ve been doing Inconvenient Questions since 2014, and I have never felt compelled to look up the lifespan of a chicken before. Now, he was alive when Moana was a toddler… We’ll lowballing by saying she was three… And according to Wikipedia, she’s sixteen now. That chicken was an adult 13 years ago, which isn’t entirely impossible, but even the chickens you take the best possible care of rarely make it past 10, and he eats rocks. Why is the old dude criticizing this chicken, who’s technically a medical miracle?

35: 00:13:25 Why did they bring him all the baskets of coconuts, when only one or two samples would have had the same effect?

36: 00:13:45 She’s doing great? Her solution to dying coconuts was to plant a new grove. That’s not going to happen overnight, ya know.

36: 00:14:55 He’s gonna give her shit for bringing up an obvious question, so here’s my question: What is HIS big idea for finding more fish? She should ask him that.

37: same Couldn’t they just hold a council and brainstorm as a tribe, to see if anyone can figure out a solution to the fish problem? She could probably find some support there.

38: same: At least, couldn’t she go around her dad and talk to the people directly, telling them about the fish shortage and winning them over with the threat of starvation vs. the unknown? This paranoid douche can’t possibly say no to the whole island, and besides, riling up a crew is a lot more feasible than going out by herself, which she tries later.

39: 00:15:24 This really bugs me. Moana’s idea to fish beyond the reef isn’t personal, it’s for the survival of the island, but the movie seems to immediately push this little detail aside. If they don’t find somewhere new to fish, they starve, and Daddy’s refusal and accusation should put the weight of the world on her shoulders, along with the growing discontent of the island on his. But no, this is all abandoned so a Let It Go clone can be set up. Fuck this movie.

40: 00:15:50 Similarly, his mistake when he was younger cost his friend’s life, but his decision now will kill his entire village. Also, he’s trying to save Moana… By starving her? This would make a lot more sense if he had some plan he was holding out on, or was waiting for their deity to provide for them in their period of need, but no, he’s got jack shit other than being afraid and staying put. He’s putting his entire village in danger of starvation, has no fucking plan to prevent it, but we’re not supposed to think about that, because it’s a Disney movie and we know the hero/heroine is going to make the right decision and save the day, making the consequences of this asshole in chief irrelevant. Fuck this movie.

41: 00:16:36 Speaking of which, how many Disney songs is this ripping off? Let It Go, Go The Distance, Reflection, Belle, Colors of the Wind… Am I missing any?

42: 00:18:30 What was her plan? Go out alone and without any supplies?

43: same And why bring the pig?

44: 00:18:55 how was she planning on proving this without any fishing equipment?

45: same It just hit me… Why did the fish disappear? If the curse lies beyond the reef, wouldn’t they more likely be living around them to escape the violent waters?

46: 00:19:33  Those reefs should have shredded her skin like a cheese grater, right? Didn’t she get off a little leniently from that?

47: 00:20:50 There’s no fish, but there’s Manta rays? Can’t they eat those?

48: 00:21:09 I love how self aware this portion of the dialogue sounds.

49: 00:22:28 The designs on that wall look suspiciously like modified swastikas.

50: 00:22:55 Okay, I’m confused about this timeline. Granny talks about their ancestors being wayfarers, and these boats are the remnant of those days. But Moana’s Dad knows about them, and makes a remark about why he didn’t have them burned. Is he the one who sealed them up? How long ago was this? How has this knowledge faded with time, if it happened so recently that the current village chief was alive for it? Also, didn’t the curser happen over a thousand years ago? Look, I’m not saying none of this is feasible, but I’m seriously going to have to see some kind of timeline on it.

51: same Also, going to drop this in here for good measure… Parent’s want to protect their curious kid from the sea that they’re drawn to, and lives right next to. It’s a Little Mermaid 2 rip-off.

52: 00:24:07 Also, where did her vision come from? It made sense in Tangled, since Rapunzel was having a series of repressed memories awakened, but how is a picture of a boat suddenly giving Moana flashes of her ancestors?

53: 00:26:25 Why are there no sea monsters in the rest of the movie? You can’t break the law of Chekov’s gun, lady. You said sea monsters, I want some fucking sea monsters. The giant crab doesn’t count.

54: 00:27:30 I’m sorry, but I can’t look at that sky hook and not laugh. I can’t decide if it looks like a testicle, or a boob from the side. I want to find a copy of this movie where they edit that hook, making a copy of it, flipping it, and making the complete nutsack.

55: 00:28:20 I can’t help but think there’s a better way Moana could have approached this confrontation. One that didn’t make her look like a lunatic.

56: 00:28:33 Why didn’t he burn them? No, seriously, why didn’t he? And that’s once again ignoring the issue of how he even knows about them.

57: 00:29:05 I’ve gotta little bit of history with watching elderly relatives health fail as they approach death, and I’ve never seen one of them suddenly become sick and bed after walking around on their own just ten minutes prior. They don’t go south that quickly. They’re not fucking cats.

58: 00:30:00 nobody else is noticing the dying woman telling Moana things they definitely don’t want her to hear? They’re oblivious to this?

59: 00:30:50 I feel like this moment would mean more if Moana’s mother had, like, any development. At all.

Thank god they’re out of the village. Questions should be scarcer now.

60: 00:32:36 How’d the chicken get there?

61: 00:32:45 Most normal chickens wouldn’t realize they were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and freak out about it. A 15 year old chicken with a brain defect, however, is perfectly aware and able to grasp the situation. Cluck this movie.

62: 00:33:26 What’s her attachment to this chicken? Did she never eat chicken growing up? She ate pork, so we know she’s not vegetarian, so why is this particular chicken so special to her?

63: 00:34:25 Why is the ocean such a dick to her?

64: 00:35:40 I don’t really mind HER surviving the wipe-out, but how did the chicken?

65: 00:37:38 Why isn’t that bird’s neck breaking?

66: 00:38:23 Why doesn’t the stone give Moana any special powers, like what Maui’s describing?

67: 00:39:30 Is Maui aware that there’s no factual basis for anything he’s bragging about?

68: 00:40:30 If The Rock is such a bad singer, why is this my favorite song in the movie?

69: 00:41:30 Why has it taken this long for the chicken’s purpose to be realized?

70: 00:41:49 How did… THIS WHOLE SEQUENCE… Happen? None of this is believable. The ladder being conveniently there, Maui being able to knock over a huge statue and parkour her way up that hole… This is all bullshit.

71: 00:42:36 How did she go from a dive to a belly flop?

72: 00:44:00 How come he never acted afraid of the stone before? He grabbed it, sat up with it set right in front of him, never had the fearful reaction till now.

73: 00:45:20 I’m not even gonna question the existence of coconut pirates, but I will point out how lucky it is for Moana that they’re not human, so she can defeat them without having to get blood on her hands. Talk about a sterile threat.

74: 00:46:05 No magic powers? Didn’t he speed away from the island at first, when he was trying to leave her behind? Can’t he speed again?

75: 00:46:54 If we’ve established that the stone doesn’t have any power, why are the Coconutsies trying to obtain it? And better yet, how did they sense where it was?

76: 00:47:00 Having the two doors on the boat be connected seems like a bad idea. You wouldn’t be able to reach anything stuck between then.

76: 00:48:15 How does poison affect a coconut person? Does it have a bloodstream?

77: 00:48:45 I have a feeling Moana would do decently in a death battle.

78: 00:51:10 I feel like we’re missing a scene. You know, the one where Maui realizes that the stone didn’t give humanity magic powers, and is instead cursing it. If I just missed it, let me know where it is.

80: 00:51:21 Actually, now that I think of it, if the water can carry Moana on it’s own, why not just do that? Rush her there through the water, with breaks to breathe?

81: 00:52:35 How can poison affect an immortal demigod?

82: 00:55:05 That chicken joke was awesome. Why did his banter with his tattoo have to kill it?

83: 00:55:28 Why doesn’t the speed that we SEE her climbing at not match the amount of progress she was able to do when we DIDN’T see her?

84: 00:57:33 How did that fall not kill her?

85: 00:58:03 How did THAT fall not kill her?

86: 00:58:44 what does the rest of that spiny giant monster look like? I have to know!

87: 01:00:20 How did he cover his own shell with treasure?

88: 01:01:20 Was that switch in tone supposed to fool anyone?

89: 01:03:55 Why does the crab know Maui’s backstory?

90: 01:05:35 Yes, I did quite like the song.

91: 01:06:27 Bupkis is, I believe, a yiddish word. How does Maui know it?

92: 01:09:20 What about him made his folks ditch him? Was a weakling born in Spartan-esque society?

93: same I mean, the last time someone rejected Maui for not being good enough, he just took his destiny into his own hands, cut an epic heel promo and became the peoples’ champion.

94: 01:09:43 Okay, so, his folks threw him into the ocean as a baby, the gods turned him into his current form. Did they magically age him up by thirty years, or did he just grow to adulthood while drowning?

95: 01:10:00 He did all that for his parents, and they still rejected him? What the hell was so wrong with their infant that becoming a freaking Demigod didn’t make up for?

96: 01:12:02 Can Maui turn into other humans?

97: 01:14:40 I really want to make a Lord of the rings joke here, but I can’t think of a good one.

98: 01:15:20 Couldn’t Tekah just destroy their boat, or set fire to the sail?

99: 01:16:00 Is he really going to give up after one attempt? not strategize, or something?

100: 01:16:40 If Te Fiti is on the other side of Tekah, couldn’t they just go in from the opposite direction?

101: 01:17:45 Could the fact that he’s going to return like Han Solo be any more obvious?

102: 01:19:10 I’m not going to make the Mufasa comparison… I don’t think that’s a fair criticism, to be honest, and bringing the Grandma back at this point was a really good choice… But I will ask, how does a ghost have enough physical presence to hug someone?

103: 01:19:26 She kinda did, though. She had to put the salvation of the island on Moana’s shoulders, not only to counteract her parents’ brainwashing, but oh yeah, for the salvation of the island.

104: 01:23:45 How did Tekah sense she was coming?

105: 01:26:10 how did Tekah’s skin burn Maui’s lizard feet, but not his shark mouth?

106: 01:31:40 How’d she fix his hook?

107: 01:34:00 The island heals, then Moana immediately shows up. There’s no way they’d accept the connection so quickly, as stupid as her father is. She would more likely have a ton of explaining to do.

108: 01:34:40 Seriously, how has the chicken survived this long?

109: 01:36:00 I know I was saying Fuck This Movie earlier, but to be more specific, fuck the first act. The rest of the movie is more or less fine.

Good morning everybody, and a very Merry Christmas to all my readers out there! You guys have given me a wonderful Christmas present, in the form of my two biggest view-count months ever, so in return I’ve delivered what I hope were a few satisfying presents for you this December, including a beautiful header image that was commissioned from the incomparable Jennifer Paetsch, but now that the jolliest holiday of the year is upon us, I’ve decided to deliver you something a little more directly Christmas related. Since my Inconvenient Questions post about Rudolph has been a surprise hit… A year after it was posted, interestingly enough… I’ve decided to take down another popular stop-motion Christmas movie; The Nightmare Before Christmas!

For those of you who are new to this idea, here’s what’s going to happen; I’m going to watch the movie straight through, asking every single question that pops into my head. Some of these will be nitpicks, some of them will be comedic, some will be major criticisms, but they’ll all be… RATHER inconvenient. I won’t be posting timestamps, so to enjoy this, you’ll have to either have a good memory or watch the movie along with me, but since it’s fucking Nightmare Before Christmas, I don’t think you’re going to mind much.

All that said, let’s dive right in!

1: Who exactly dreamed this location?

2: Holidays are, by their very nature, based on ancient traditions and actual/imagined historical events. How exactly did they all originate as doors in trees?

3: In the St. Patrick’s day world, is the landscape over-run with clovers and leprechauns, or just a bunch of drunk people?

4: Is the Fourth of July world full of people shooting off fireworks? Because they can get boring after a while.

5: Is the Valentines day world a massive year-long orgy? Or is it just a Hallmark world where people act like the two doofuses from Hearts and Hooves day?

6: How many turkeys need to exist to support Thanksgiving world?

7: Why are all the holidays presented here so American, Christian friendly? Why are there no Jewish holidays, or anything like that?

8: Is the Easter world dedicated to the Easter Bunny, or the ressurection?

9: Is each holiday world a world where the holiday happens once a year, and then literally nothing else happens for 364 days?

10: Is this supposed to be some kind of multi-verse? Also, woohoo! Ten questions on one pause! A personal record!

11: What exactly IS Halloween in this town?

12: The way things are playing out, these spooks seem alarmingly aware of the camera.

13: Who dropped those Jack-o-Lanterns there?

14: They just… sing a song about what their town is, and what everyone’s job is?

15: Here’s something that’s bothered me since I was a kid… There’s nobody in Halloween town but monsters, so how are they aware of classic tropes like hiding under kids’ beds or grabbing their feet from the stairs? Have monsters here been using portals to get to the real world all along?

16: And furthermore, why do they say “your” so often? Who do they think they’re singing to? Are they aware of the viewer, but only during one song?

17: 364 days of planning, and everybody’s waiting for the next surprise? What the hell were they planning, surprises on themselves?

18: Who are they asking “Aren’t you scared” to? No, you know what, if I keep asking a question every time this one song inexplicably breaks the fourth wall, I’ll be here all night. Let’s just say it doesn’t make any sense and move on.

19: Again, though, what is Halloween? There’s no trick-or-treating, no costumes, no once-a-year connection to the human world opened up by cultists, it’s just… Well, to them, apparently Halloween is a reverse parade, where everyone stands waiting for their cue to mug the monster holding the camera and occasionally exposit about themselves. I don’t get the point of any of that.

20: Regardless of whether or not they’re mean, what’s their job, exactly? If it wasn’t for Jack’s trip to Christmas town, this would be a fucking slice-of-life story! At least in Monster’s Inc the monsters had a clear purpose!

21: So this whole reverse parade is performed to herald one man’s entrance into the town square? What is he, SkeleKim Jong Oon?

22: Exactly how much power does the Pumpkin king have?

23: Halloween is just one big reverse parade intended to stroke the ego of one person, isn’t it?

24: Why does the dynamic between Sally and her creator strike me as a sort of “Father and rebellious underaged daughter” thing?

25: If Jack planned this whole thing out, why is he just now getting humble about it?

26: Whose blood did the vampire drain?

27: What is that musician going to use that money for? Is there an economy here?

28: Jack’s Lament makes a lot more sense than the last song… Both in terms of story and purpose… But in it, he acknowledges the existence of humans and an awareness of Earth locations. How does this fit into the lore?

29: How does he know about Shakespeare, for example?

30: In a movie full of classic monsters and original creations, why is the guy the movie invented the only one bragging about being well known throughout the human world?

31: If he’s tired of his crown, why NOT give it up? What’s stopping him?

32: Does he not get fame and praise the other 364 days?

33: Couldn’t Sally’s creator, like, take her for a walk, or something?

34: Why does the mayor have two faces? I get the satirical purpose, but what’s the practical purpose?

35: Also, what’s the problem with an elected official not making decisions by himself? They need counseling and advice, it’s how it works!

36: Why does Christmas town get actual people and children to give it’s holiday figures purpose, while Halloween town doesn’t?

37: A clown exists in Halloween town, but the serial killer Snowman from Jack Frost doesn’t?

38: He doesn’t know what snowflakes are, but he knows what snowballs are?

39: Why is he calling them children, when I’m pretty sure those are all elves?

40: Wasn’t there music in the air in Halloween town?

41: Do they really need a whole year to plan one little reverse parade?

42: Why does Sally’s creator continue to let her make his food and drink unsupervised?

43: What would she do if he asked to use the spoon?

44: If she’s too scared to drink a spoonful, wouldn’t a whole bowl create the risk of an overdose?

45: If the town meeting was immediate, how’d he have time to paint that backdrop?

46: Where did he learn the various names for these things?

47: Why doesn’t he just come out and say “This isn’t a scary thing?”

48: Jack’s problem in this movie is that instead of attempting to become a part of Christmasland himself, he tries to force it on other people. This conveys a message against cultural appropriation, stating that it’s perfectly fine to try and adopt and try new things for yourself, as long as you don’t bastardize it on a larger scale. That would be all well and good, but the movie is resolved(spoiler alert) when Jack goes back home and gives up on his dreams, accepting his identity and destiny. So, ultimately, it’s the Jungle book moral… Stay with your own kind, don’t venture too far outside the norm. Except that the modern take on this was the live action Jungle book, where Mowgli overcame the racist force that wanted him gone, and stayed in the Jungle. So wouldn’t a more appropriate ending for this film be Jack abandoning Halloweentown, leaving it to it’s own devices, and becoming Santa’s assistant? I know I should ask this at the end, but I’ve seen it before… We all have… And this question just hit me now.

49: Maybe Santa could build a wall to keep Halloweentown out?

50: There’s no logical way to explain this Halloween thing, so why bother looking for logic in Christmas?

51: He already knows the explanation. It’s a source of warmth that brings joy to your heart. That’s what it did for him, right?

52: Which holiday world had a book about the Scientific method?

53: How did those glass items not break in his bag?

54: What chemical made the candy cane do that?

55: I replicated that snowflake cut he did, and got a completely different result!

56: No, seriously, what does it mean? not just that reaction, but the entire sequence? It’s pointless!

57: How exactly did she hold her limbs in place and sew them back on one handed?

58: What the fuck is up with that vision Sally had? Where did it come from? What caused it? Is that a thing she can do?

59: Seriously, though, this sequence of Jack trying to figure out Christmas is completely pointless. It’s filler. The only thing it leads up to is revealing that Sally’s in love, which is equally pointless, and Jack deciding to dress up as Santa. The whole sequence could have been cut.

60: So there is trick or treating, but it’s relegated to three undead children? Where does this fit into anything?

61: Furthermore, the build-up to the intro of Boogie is terrible. We knew he was a shadow in the moon, but he wasn’t even an acknowledged presence up until now. He has no backstory or clear motive. Why do people like him?

62: Is there nobody else he could send to abduct Santa? This is like telling Goldar ”Hey, here’s where the Zords are hidden… Don’t tell Rita!”

63: So Eastertown’s not about the Resurrection?

64: Wait, how much time has passed between Halloween and Christmas? That’s kind of an important detail.

65: How are ghosts carrying solid objects?

66: Is Jack not aware of how fucked up the stuff he’s making is?

67: Why use a two person saw to make a doll?

68: If the elves are so adept at making cookies, why do people still leave them out for Santa?

69: The message of the movie is even more confused now! At first, Jack wanted to make Halloweentown celebrate Christmas. Now, he wants to bring his own version of it TO Christmastown! This isn’t misappropriation anymore, it’s damn imperialism! Am I the first person to actually try to follow the plot of this movie?

70: Why don’t the kids on Santa’s list have last names?

71: So, just a sack, then? They’re using a Team Rocket plan?

72: How did he forget to make the hat? Why is his realization of this considered such a profound moment?

73: Why doesn’t Sally just say something about what’;s going on, aside from her vision? There’s so much evil in what Jack’s doing, surely she could think of something to say!

74: I could ask about Santa going down the pipe, but it actually points out a pretty obvious flaw in the Santa mythos, so I’ll leave it alone.

75: Instead, what did Boogie want with him, exactly?

76: If he doesn’t think this is the real Santa, why doesn’t he stick to his guns over it and send him back?

77: What has Boogey been doing all this time? In his non-Santa down time, what exactly does he do? We’re supposed to buy him as a troublemaker, but this is the first we’ve seen of him!

78: I mean, is Santa in any real danger, or just being mildly inconvenienced?

79: Is this the entire purpose of Zero? Being Rudolph?

80: And what the hell is the purpose of Sally? Foreshadwing through Deus Ex Machina, being a love interest who has no discernable dynamic or chemistry with him?

81: What’s she more concerned about? The looming doom, or not being able to jump his most important bone?

82: These kids aren’t the elf kids that we saw earlier. And Jack didn’t go through the doors to get here. Does that mean Christmastown and Halloweentown are actually connected to the real world? And if so, why does Christmas get to interact with it, while Halloween is contained within it’s own parameters? I haven’t seen the movie in years, so I can buy that I remembered this connection wrong, but it still doesn’t make any sense.

83: Kind of a dark question, but did Jack accidentally murder anyone tonight?

84: If all holiday lands exist within the real world, what’s the purpoise of the doors?

85: How was Jack able to replicate Santa’s magic sack full of infinite presents?

86: If Sally‘s hands can operate on their own, then why didn’t she stay with her leg to distract Boogey?

87: Where did Jack get Santa’s list?

88: Since when did Halloweentown have a cauldron that could show them the world?

89: How did Jack survive the fall intact?

90: Does Jack know he did something wrong, or not? His reprised lament kind of jumps between notes.

91: God, this idiot bounces between ideas worse than Haruhi Fucking Suzumiya.

92: His revelation and his actions don’t seem well connected. He realizes that he loved Halloween all along, so the first thing he does is go to rescue Santa? I mean yeah, it’s the moral thing to do, but
A: It doesn’t fit his character. He’d more likely think what he did was on par with Santa, and that returning Claus is meaningless because of it, and
B: How does he know where Santa is? How does he know Santa’s with Oogie Boogey?

93: So, Boogey eats people?

94: If he’s so eager to cheat, and only he can see the dice, why bother saying the right result out loud at all?

95: How was Jack lounging around upside down on that thing?

96: How am I supposed to get invested in this face-off when the hero and villain have no established history? Jack was the antagonist for most of the movie!

97: So the legendary Boogeyman could have died if a thread got caught on something?

98: Why is he saying that the character who had a Deus Ex Machina vision is the only one who makes sense?

99: How is the lake already frozen over, if it just started snowing?

100: Why does Jack accept the idea that he and Sally are made for each other? He’s never shown any interest in him before, and she had nothing to do with his arc. She supported him once, and then had an unexplained vision that practically redefines the term “Unexplained.” Was she written into the movie in the final draft to pad things out and add a love interest?

101: I would have rather played the Kingdom Hearts version than watch this movie. Why do I have to play through so much other stuff to get there? You know what? I didn’t like this movie as a kid, but I kept it to myself, because of all the people saying it was the greatest thing ever. I’ll admit, the character designs are amazing, which is why I have three Pop figures from it in my collection, but guess what? Black Butler had amazing character designs, and it still sucks!

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, hasn’t it? The last time I did an Inconvenient Questions post, it was about the classic stop-motion holiday special “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer,” and today, I’m going to hit up the title I teased over a year ago… RWBY, volume 2!

For those of you who’ve never seen an Inconvenient Questions post, it’s a feature I do where I watch something while pausing to write down every single question that I feel inspired to ask. My inquiry into Volume 1 produced more questions than any of the others so far, with a solid 222! I can’t wait to find out if this one is going to compete with it!

Also, because this is RWBY, I’ll try my best to avoid criticizing animation errors like clippings, but I’ll warn you that I’m only human, and some of these errors will most likely be too funny to not comment on. But to make fun of these in general would be like shooting fish in a barrel.

Also, a few more notes;  I’ve only ever heard commentary on volume 3, so if any of these questions have been answered by the cast or creators, I have no idea.  Feel free to post any answers you have in the comments, and I’ll be thrilled to read them if you do.  Please don’t leave any comments saying that I nitpick too much, or that I take the things I watch too seriously, or that I should turn my brain off and enjoy things on their own merit…  I enjoy what I do, and I won’t change it for anybody.

In any case, I’m doing these in chronological order, and there’s going to be major spoilers, so you might just wanna follow along with me by watching RWBY volume 2 on Netflix!

And here we go!

1: Why can we hear that ship so clearly from the ground?

2: Why does that girl’s cleavage disappear halfway down?

3: Is their banter supposed to be funny?

4: I’ve tried carrying stacks of books like that before, so how is he keeping them from sliding all over the place?

5: And speaking of books, if cell phones have been reduced to scrolls in this society, why are books even still relevant? Wouldn’t they have invented the scroll-kindle by now?

6: Does that dramatic music mean Third Crusade is supposed to be some kind of big deal story in this world?

7: If this is a book trade, that would make this a used bookstore, right? So, it’s not really a matter of whether he carries it, but whether he currently has it, right?  And on another note, if he had every title they were asking about, would they be there for hours looking for a title he doesn’t have just so they can have an excuse to kill him?

8: So they came all the way out to whack this guy, and they open by criticizing his business slogan? That’s like walking into Bill Gray’s with a better tasting burger and then shooting the place up!

9: Is that notebook a shrine to Adam?

10: Ruby just made a reference to Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King. How is that possible?

11: And now Richard Nixon? Is this story taking place in a dystopian future, or do the people of Remnant just happen to know about American political history?

12: Wait, did she just say it’s been two weeks? Is she referring to season 1 only taking two weeks?

13: Is Neptune a faunus?

14: How did a cafeteria full of people turn into a food fight between just eight of them?

15: In what cafeteria would there be whole chickens and watermelons just sitting out? Is there really a high enough demand for them to keep them from going bad?

16: Not to mention baguettes that are stiff and stale enough to not break when used as swords.

17: Does Ruby have skateboarding experience?

18: Who the hell keeps a whole swordfish on a table in the cafeteria?!

19: That wave of food Ruby just splashed Team Juniper with was also full of broken plates and cups. Shouldn’t they have been impaled by the non-edible debris?

20: Why is Ozpin being so lenient about a food fight that took out some of the foundation and support of the building?

21: Okay, I get the rat/cat thing being a reference to Red Vs. Blue, but does that excuse it from making sense? He didn’t look like either of those things, OR a puma!

22: What does Glinda have against Ironwood?

23: What kind of game utilizes a board, pieces, multi-sided die and yugioh cards? I want a set…

24: Why are her tears running sideways?

25: What has Blake so paranoid, all of a sudden?

26: Who would go all the way to Vail to see a Spruce Willis movie? Cluck Norris could kick his ass anyday.

27: What’s with all the weirdly animated boob jiggling? Eiken looked more realistic.

28: Is Yang referring to the dude she made call her Sir?

29: Is Weiss’s skirt really that easy to get into? I don’t mean her crush on Neptune… I mean her hands, passing right through it like they don’t exist on the same plane!

30: Instead of the lame puma joke, wouldn’t a better Red Vs. Blue reference have been putting Vic in one of these terminals?

31: Why would Penny’s father let her wander through Beacon alone? Why would a robot be able to defy her creators like this?

32: Is Ironwood supposed to be a strawman for Drone warfare supporters?

33: Why does the shopkeeper drive his own supply truck?

34: How is a robot hiccupping?

35: How could anyone go this far without knowing Penny’s a robot? She totally acts like one!

36: If Neptune’s from Haven, does he have a connection to the villains?

37: After the damage Yang did to the bar last time, how does Junior owe her a drink? Or anything?

38: How do they know Roman’s a human? I mean he has no outwardly obvious animal parts, but neither did the bookstore guy. And he’s wearing a hat, so who knows he’s not hiding an antenna under there?

39: Not gonna lie, the first time I saw Neo, I pretty much guessed that would be her name. But just for the sake of asking a question, is she supposed to be the Harley to his Joker?

40: Wait, are you telling me that it took until dark for Weiss to leave the elevator and Ruby to get out of the dumpster? Seriously?

41: Is Son a fan of The Matrix: Reloaded?

42: Okay, I get that the names Ruby’s calling out are supposed to signal which two combatants are teaming up, but how do they have a specific attack coordinated for this specific occasion?

43: Was “Bumblebee” a wink and nod to the audience?

44: how did Torchwik survive the destruction of that mech? Isn’t that like being in a nasty car crash?

45: Where was Neo hiding? And how did they shatter/teleport like that?

46: If the members of CRDL were the first to grab their chess pieces and make it out of the woods, how are they this weak in combat?

47: Does Pyrrha now know that Mercury’s legs are metal?

48: What are they even graded on? I swear, Beacon Academy is just as bad as Death Meister Academy at clarifying what the hell anyone is studying.

49: And how does a catgirl get this little sleep? Even cutting down to 8 hours must leave her exhausted.

50: Not bad, Jean, but try Careless Whisper next time.

51: Holy shit… Having seen volume 3 puts Cinder’s comments about Pyrrha in a completely different context. Also, why do Mercury and Jean have similar tastes in comics?

52: Okay, Blake chasing a laser pointer is funny and all, but how is Yang getting it from all those different angles? How much is she moving around to make that happen?

53: Is Ren gay? I mean, it’s been hinted that there are non-straight characters in the cast, he does wear a lot of pink, and if he is, it would add some pretty funny layers to Jean asking him about girls.

54: How long has the ‘four person teams’ thing been going on?

55: Crow, Raven, Summer Tai-yang… Team Stark?

56: Yang, you’re her friend. She’s not TRYING to stop you.

57: If Weiss is asking Neptune to the dance “Tomorrow,” shouldn’t some time pass before the dance scene? This is basic editing, people.

58: Did Ozpin put any thought into this metaphor?

59: Why is Weiss spazzing out over a flower? If it’s bothering you, pick and and toss it!

60: Why is Penny even at the dance?

61: Where did Jean get that dress on such short notice?

62: I should ask how Team JNPR managed to put together that choreographed dance number, but it’s too wonderful to question.

63: I said I’d lay off on the animation, but why does Cinder have such a weird looking walk across those rooftops?

64: Did Emerald not notice Ruby leaving?

65: Why doesn’t Ruby take off her heels for this fight?

66: Why don’t I see any same-sex couples dancing?

67: Wouldn’t it be funnier if James was Qrow’s first name, instead of Ironwood’s? I mean, Jim Qrow… It would explain how pitifully few dark skinned characters there are… I’ll shut up now.

68: Did Ruby get all the way to her dorm in the span of the teachers’ continued conversation?

69: Jesus Christ, I know I already harked on the weird boob jiggling earlier, but how did Glinda backing up a step cause them to jump like they lost contact with gravity?

70: If Yang was already handing that tube to Ruby, why didn’t she just take it, instead of… Whatever the hell she just did?

71: How did a roll of brown dough just turn into a dog?

72: Did that dog just get mailed to beacon in a package? How the fuck did he fit, how the fuck did he survive, how the fuck did he not need to eat drink of defecate, and how the fuck was anybody high enough to write, proofread, approve and animate something so fucking stupid?

73: Weiss and Blake seem genuinely confused about this too, so my concerns are valid!

74: Was this mailing Zwei thing supposed to be funny? I know people who dropped the series because of this scene.

75: So wait, is THIS why so many people are named after colors? I don’t think that ever needed to be explained.

76: Why did Ruby bring her dog? Let me guess, to justify it’s existence in the story?

77: I mean, does he have a purpose in the story other than proving that the writers were incapable of keeping their otaku-boners in their pants, and they just HAD to make a Cowboy Bebop reference?

78: Who packed the rotisserie chicken?

79: Why is Glinda checking up on Ironwood? How did she even notice he was out?

80: Did none of them pack a change of clothes?

81: Since when did carrying one weapon each count as being ‘armed to the teeth?”

82: Is Ruby saying she wanted Zwei to piss where they were sleeping?

83: How the hell did the ground cave in under one light teenage girl?

84: Did Yang not see Ruby and the soldiers stalking around?

85: That hole looks like a semi could fall through it. how did the weight of one girl cave it in?

86: Did Oobleck just forget about the subway system until this very moment? It seems like an important detail to just overlook.

87: How does Romans cane contain that much rope, as well as the ability to fire bullets? It contains infinite space?

88: How’d they get on the train?

89: Wait, they’re on the roof? Didn’t one of them just attack a guard from inside the train?

90: Why are they expecting the Grimm to follow the train?

91: Bullshit! how did that dog know to do that for a man he’s never met before? And how did Oobleck know he’d survive it?

92: Why did Weiss volunteer to stay behind to fight a guy with a chainsaw? Couldn’t she just freeze it so it would stop working?

93: Wait, it looked like Chainsaw guy was about to cut Weiss’s head off… What happened? Did he just decide to change moves and kick her into the next room instead?

94: Is that Yang’s mother? If so, how did she know where to be?

95: Is Yang’s mom a member of the White Fang? Is she part Faunus?

96: Did Weiss just pull a Groot?

97: What does “That village” mean to Ren?

98: Why didn’t Jean’s sword do any visible damage to that Grimm?

99: How the fuck did Zweii just take out a Grimm?

100: Does spacial logic not exist in this school? A minigun can fit inside of what is, for all intents and purposes, a purse?

101: Why are Cinder’s cronies helping in the battle? Nobody would notice if they didn’t!

Hello readers, this is the Fullmetal Narcissist anime blog, and ‘Tis the Season to nitpick!

A long time ago, I read an article on I-mockery.com about how weird and messed up the old Rudolph cartoon was, and it was pretty enlightening. It’s stuck with me to this day, after what has to have been ten years or more. In honor of that old article(link will be provided at the end), I’ve decided to give old Rudolph the once over with an Inconvenient Questions post! I will of course be pointing out some of the same things they pointed out, because I like to be thorough.

I am fearing for my life.

For those of you who’ve never read an Inconvenient Questions post, I go through a movie or small series, asking every single question that comes to mind and writing them down in sequential order. I will nitpick it to death over both major and minor complaints, and I will take no prisoners. It may help to watch along as you read this.

There are spoilers ahead.

1: Those were impressive editing techniques back in the sixties, weren’t they?

2: Were newspaper headlines faded on top of actual movie footage one of humanity’s first tropes?

3: Was the Sanitation Army a thing?

4: How exactly does foul weather postpone Christmas? I mean, people just stay at home and open presents, so… Oh, right, Santa. Gotcha.

5: I just had a weird thought, but I’m not sure it applies to this movie. In most Christmas movies where Santa exists, parents don’t believe in him, and the only way that’s possible is if some magic makes them believe THEY bought all of the presents Santa leaves. so if Santa is stranded at the North Pole, how will that affect peoples’ perception of reality?

6: Also,how bad is the weather if it’s affecting San Fransisco?

7: Why couldn’t Burl Ives be immortal? The world would have been a happier place with him still in it, Christmas or no Christmas.

8: Is that snowman straight up spoiling the end of the movie?

9: Wait, so the North Pole is a town, and they grow Christmas trees up there. Does that mean Santa has neighbors?

10: No, they clearly don’t. wouldn’t it be more realistic to call this Christmas Forest, instead?

11: So, why can’t Santa be skinny? I mean, I’m not knocking them on a body-shaming issue, or anything, but… Who’s going to see him? Who’s going to know he’s not fat? And wouldn’t a skinny Santa be able to fit more presents in his sleigh?

12: Why would we be worried about him not being fat? Are we planning to kill and eat him?

13: What kind of segue was that? And he really is just spoiling the end, isn’t he?

14: Why do some stories feel the need to chide the audience about not having heard the story before? Okay, the movie was made only fifteen years after the song was, so I guess…

15: So, how did Rudolph get his nose? Does it run in Donner’s bloodline? Is it cancer?

16:  Does it respond to the strength of his emotions?

17: Why does his nose make a musical cue when it lights up? Is this whole mess the result of a whistling booger?

18: How does Santa know Rudolph will be on his team someday? Is there really expected to be an opening, and aren’t there several young reindeer in his school?

19: How are Rudolph’s first words a name he hasn’t heard with any distinct tone or repetition yet?

20: Would the context of that scene have changed if Santa called Rudolph Bright instead of Smart?

21: I kind of agree with Santa on this one. At first glance, you’d think a reindeer with a glowing light in front of his eyes wouldn’t see clearly enough to be of any use in flying, even on a team. That’s some legally blind circumstances, right?

22: When Santa says he’s going to shine up his jingle bells, is it wrong that the Axe ‘wash your balls’ commercials play in my head?

23: Why didn’t THIS song become a holiday season classic? I know this is ironic, but I’m tired of hearing Rudolph.

24: Considering this was the sixties, the screen writer was apparently REALLY good at disguising his anti-homophobia message. Am I the only one who’s noticed that?

25: There’s no dirt in that cave that’s the color of the dirt on Rudolph’s nose. Is that poop?

26: So why does Abommy hate Christmas? Can we get a backstory on that?

29: Am I the only one who hates time skips?

30: I’d ask how those elves and their wood crafting have adapted to modern times, but Family Guy already went there.

31: So, why didn’t they expect the one elf that looks different from the rest to also not conform to them? At least Elf called attention to Will Ferrel clearly being the odd number.

32: If the elves know what a dentist is, then they clearly face the possibility of dental problems. What would be wrong with following a career path that could ultimately be for the better good of the community’ health?

33: So hold on. All elves apparently make toys, so why is it treated like a job? And what do they expect him to do when he gets fired? Seriously, I know they’re going for a subtle “You can’t be gay if everyone’s supposed to be straight” type of metaphor, but couldn’t they find a better parallel?

34: Herbie’s lips really don’t match what he’s saying, do they?

35: Inspected for what? I know this has to happen because of the nose thing, but what else can they get rejected for?

36: Why doesn’t the blonde fawn get ostracized for being blonde?

37: Why is Santa such an asshole?

38: Why are there so few elf variations? And is that tall one with the glasses supposed to be Brainy Elf?

39: How strong are that tuba-Elf’s lungs?

40: If we’re supposed to buy into the fact that Santa’s bag can hold enough presents for the entire world’s child population, then we have to assume it’s bottomless and contains a magical void inside of it. A void that tall elf should be eternally lost in right now, right?

41: Oh no… you mean the guy you were okay with firing didn’t show up? What a disaster!

42: And didn’t he already quit?

43: How does fireball know one of the does likes Rudolph, if they were all giggling?

44: Isn’t his fake giant nose almost as unusual as his red nose?

45: Once again, there are only eight reindeer on the sleigh, so how many graduates is Comet expecting to have?

46: If Rudolph is laughing at the first reindeer for crashing and burning, how am I supposed to feel sympathy for him when he gets laughed at?

47: Why is Fireball so invested in Rudolph’s love life?

48: So how exactly did the fake nose come off? I know the glow didn’t do it, because light doesn’t work that way… Do reindeer just breathe really hard through the nose when excited?

49: Once again, how is Santa wrong? The only way a glowing red nose that’s powerful enough to light up the night could be a hindrance to your flying is because it would hurt your vision. Seems logical enough to me.

50: These aren’t games, though… They’re flight classes.

51: So if Ms. Pac-Deer didn’t think Rudolph was hot, would he have just turned into a very cold hikkikomori?

52: What do his problems have to do with pretend rainbows?

53: I’ll believe Elves can survive the cold, but how did Hermie not suffocate under that snow bank?

54: So they’re going from independent to codependent?

55: How is that reflective lake not frozen?

57: Is the Abominable supposed to be a metaphor for hatred and intolerance?

58: There’s something ironic about a snowman getting the shivers, isn’t there?

59: How is Mush a north pole word?

60: Why aren’t any of that dude’s dogs big enough to carry a sled? This is animal abuse.

61: Where exactly is he looking for gold and silver? Under the snow? In the frozen ground? Sorry, prospector, but your prospects are slim.

62: Did he just lick his pick-axe to check for silver and gold? How does THAT work?

63: He’s more likely to find cartridges for POKEMON Silver and Gold falling out of Santa’s sleigh than any actual stuff hiding in the ice. What’s this guy’s deal?

64: I’m not saying this movie is full of filler, but did we really need a song about silver and gold? This is the most pointless snowman song that I’ve seen since the one from Frozen..

65: So this is an anti-materialism song? Okay, fine. Sing about the evils of expecting gifts from people in a movie where the entire conflict is over whether or not Santa will bring thos gifts. I’ll wait.

66: Oh, wait, that wasn’t satirical? this movie really brought in a Silver and Gold song just to say how important decorations are on a tree? Next thing you know, they’ll be using platinum to express how important it is to dress your dog up as a reindeer.

61: First of all, how bright is rudolph’s nose? If Abommy can track it even in places where it would have to climb over shit to see it, that must mean it has a glow that extends several yards in the air, in the daylight. We see no evidence of this throughout the movie. Secondly, why does he move so damned slowly?

62: Even as slowly as the Bumble moves, how did it not catch up to them?

63: If the Bumble sinks, how did it climb back out of the water?

64: Why doesn’t Cornelius want BOTH silver and gold anymore? They’re both valuable!

65: Why is Donner so sexist? Can chicks not fly?

66: Is that Aslan?

67: Is this the island of factory rejects?

68: Okay, let’s assume kids still played with Jack in the Boxes. Now let’s assume the name Charlie would really make the toy undesirable. Why can’t Charlie just SAY his name is Jack?

69: How about Chuck? I’d believe a Wal-mart brand toy would be called a Chuck in the Box to avoid royalties. That name’s close enough the at least poor kids wouldn’t care.

70: Is it weird that I knew someone as a kid who had a polka-dot stuffed elephant?

71: Why would anyone put square wheels on a toy train? And couldn’t you just swap them out with round ones?

72: There is no fucking way that water pistol only shoots jelly. Nobody would ever think of that, and even if they did, where the hell’s he getting his refills from? Empty out the chamber and fill yourself with water, idiot! Hell, you’ll probably need water to clean out the dried jelly from inside yourself anyway! That shit has a shelf life!

73: The boat that can’t stay afloat doesn’t need to be played with in water. Kids can use their imaginations. Also, wouldn’t a toy bird that swims and a cowboy doll riding on the back of an ostrich actually be cool as shit?

74: What’s the doll’s problem? Do apes not want a human doll that can talk?

75: Is King Moonracer supposed to be a metaphor for stoned-as-fuck writers?

76: Why does Corny have to rub it in like that?

77: I agree with Moonracer. Santa could DEFINITELY find kids that would want a cowboy riding on an ostrich. As for the rest of them, maybe? Aside from the train with square wheels, non of them would be completely useless.

78: How could the abominable see his nose inside of a house?

79: And why are we calling it two different things at this point? Either drop Abominable and start calling it Bumble, or don’t call it Bumble! You’re confusing people!

80: I’ll bet King Moonracer could take the bumble. I’d pay to see that fight.

81: If they needed Corny’s pickaxe to cut off that piece of ice before, how did Rudolph get one by himself?

82: Did that polar bear just politely ask a delicious slab of glowing venison to leave her kids alone? Because last I heard, Polar Bears don’t fuck around like that.

83: How long has Rudolph been alone at this point?

84: How did he find his way back?

85: He grew up that far in mere months?

86: So there are eskimos up there? Explain that, please!

87: How did he know they’d be in that cave? Boo! I call BS!

88: “Oh, they’ve been missing for months, I’ll wait till NOW to try and eat them!” This is the worst abominable snowman ever. The one that nabbed Luke Skywalker didn’t wait that long.

89: Oh, Rudolph’s folks were just standing there chilling while he was about to eat her, apparently? Not their kid, not their problem!

90: Antlers to the balls? not very heroic, Rudy.

91: Did they really mix Bumbler’s roar with an evil laugh?

92: Wait, the snowman sent them after rudolph? Did they meet him in a deleted scene, or something? Or is he controlling the story like a God? PULL THE STRINGS! PULL THE STRINGS!

93: How would the Bumble even know what a pig sounded like?

94: First of all, holy shit that’s cruel. Second of all, Bumble’s mouth should be, like, gushing blood right now. Third, can’t he still physically attack you?

95: Oh yes, get the women back to Christmas town… After all, THEY’RE the ones in danger here. You silly females, doing man stuff.

96: Was boss elf refusing to let Hermie become a dentist because he has bad teeth and is afraid of dentists? It all makes sense now…

97: Bumbles bounce? Seriously? We’re going with that?

98: Rant Time! Are you seriously telling me that just because you took away that Bumble’s teeth, he no longer has the basic biological need to eat stuff? He no longer wants to fulfill his carnivorous nature? He’s going to starve, as long as they let him do ONE JOB that will barely ever be required of him? Even as a kid, this villains whole thing lost me. Remember kids, if you’re ever attacked by a large hungry beast, just knock it out and take away all of it’s teeth, and it’ll not only be completely harmless, but it’ll be a salad-eating vegan! Worst villain since Eneru.

99: So if the storm doesn’t go away, they’ll have to cancel Christmas? Not postpone, not work in a different time zone… Cancel?

100: Okay, I get that Rudolph’s nose would light up short length areas… We’ll ignore the fact that it should blind him… But can any kind of light shine clearly long distance through a blizzard?

101: Everyone in that house was an asshole until they found out they could use rudolph to their own ends. Rudolph should at the very least negotiate with them, or something. “You want me to guide your sleigh? Gimme 1000 salt licks, bitch! And from now on, my family gets to live in this house, not outside in an igloo! How badly do the kids want Christmas, you bastard?”

102: How did Santa get fat already? He was skinny less than a day ago!

103: Since those reindeer want to pull a sleigh, and there’s only so many spots open on Santa’s ride, why doesn’t Cornelius hire a few of them and give his poor toy dogs a break?

104: How did the misfit toys get on that island in the first place? Did Santa toss them out of the sleigh several years ago in an asshole rage?

105: Why aren’t any of those toys getting wrapped before delivery?

And that’s my list, adding up to an odder number than I’d like. Whatever. I had a blast writing this list and revisiting an old classic, and I hope you had a blast reading it while doing the same. And if you’re looking for more Reindeer-bashing fun, check out the list that inspired me, at the link below and have yourselves a Merry Christmas!

This link right here!

Hey guys, and welcome to another edition of Inconvenuent questions, the feature where I nitpick worse than the Cinemasins guys do!  This is going to be my second time doing this with an anime movie, and in honor of the recently released re-dub, I’ve decided to use on of my favorite anime movies of all time, not to mention one of my very first anime movies of all time, Vampire Hunter D!  The original dub!

For those of you who’ve never seen one of these posts, I basically re-watch a movie or mini-series and pause it whenever I have a burning question to ask.  It doesn’t matter what kind of question it is, or even if the answer is obvious…  I’ll still ask it.

So maybe you’ll go through this, see one of my questions, and you’ll have an answer for it.  Maybe an explanation that I missed, or something that was explained in the books.  If so, let me know in the comments.

Oh, and BTW…  Spoilers.

1: Why is the moon so big, and moving so fast?

2: Why are her legs bare in tall grass? Isn’t she afraid of ticks?

3: Why is a farm girl wearing a fetish outfit? Wouldn’t over-alls be more practical?

4: Does this girl never blink? There’s grass right in her face…

5: Why’s she after that thing just for eating some fruit?

6: If she’s so afraid of letting this thing get away, why not set up traps, instead of just spotlights? Seriously, just a simple bear trap…

7: Who names a horse Luke?

8: How did they get from the tall grass to an open road?

9: Is this animal’s instinct to run out of cover during a chase?

10: If she’s such a good shot on horseback, how’d she miss earlier?

11: I’ll buy that a futuristic demon can get bacdk up without a brain, but how did it see the horse without eyes?

12: Considering it’s position, couldn’t the horse just start stomping to get it off?

13: Why didn’t she use her electric whip earlier?

14: If the werewolf’s purpose is to remove her cross, leaving her vulnerable, then why attack the already downed horse?

15: Why would he bare his fangs before introducing himself?

16: And for that matter, what’s the point of introducing himself at all?

17: How exactly is she trespassing on his turf, when his castle is so far away from that point?

18: Why is she just standing there, half naked? I’m all for women being able to dress any way they want, but she’s not even wearing a skirt at this point! You don’t see men walking around outside in their boxers just because they can!

19: So her plan was just to stand there and wait as long as it was necessary for a warrior to come down that particular path? Sounds like a crappy plan.

20: What would she do if nobody showed up? Go home, get a good nights sleep, and go back in the morning?

21: What would she do if a group of people came by, and decided to assault her?

22: How was that a nice move? She missed.

23: Where did she get that whip? Is it the same one from before?

24: Why does she want his sword, when she has a sci-fi sniper rifle and a magical whip?

25: She wasn’t really tugging on that whip, so why’d she fall down?

26: How could she tell what kind of hunter he is?

27: That’s why she attacked him? To make sure he wasn’t a coward? Okay…

28: Does the phrase “so many of the others” mean she has ACTUALLY been standing there attacking people up to now?

29: That means this is a popular road, so either she’s killing the unworthy, or somebody’s gone on to report what she’s doing, right?

30: I’m not saying it’s wrong for her to offer her body as payment, but geez, negotiate a little bit first…

31: Why does he think bullets will harm a flying cloud of death?

32: She says hi to him, and they get back at nightfall? Just how far away from the house are those sheep he’s keeping?

33: Why are all the farm animals normal animals? Couldn’t they try and tame some demon livestock, or something?

34: How does a little kid on a farm know so much about cyborg horses?

35: Has this kid even considered that maybe D hasn’t answered his question because he didn’t have time to? I mean, shut up and let him answer before assuming he doesn’t speak much!

36: Why, oh why, did I choose the dubbed version for this project? That kid’s going to make me tear my ears off.  Thank God for post-Foster Sentai Filmworks.

37: How do those kids voices carry so far?

38: Seriously, am I watching Strike Witches right now? Why is she still half-naked?

39: Where did Greco’s accent come from? This doesn’t look like a very diverse community…

40: Wait, she offered her body to D in exchange for service… But she refuses the offer from Greco? I get that he’s a sleazeball, but aren’t we in desperate times here?

41: How did she insult him the other day? Can we get a flashback to that? Because it sounds like it might have been funny…

42: What did he do to her to warrant this kind of reaction? Is he such a bastard that lifelong subjugation to an almighty vampire overlord is preferable to one night with him?

43: And why is his method of seduction to just flop face-first into her?

44: Now that I think about it, how did Greco hear about her being bitten, if she hasn’t even told her brother about it yet?

45: Her brother just heard about it five minutes ago! What does his admission prove?

46: What would leaving the village solve? Unless Lee can find you, he’ll just assume the village is hiding you, and attack anyway!

47: If he’s refusing to sell to her, then why not send D in to intimidate him?

48: Why is D so talkative now? I get what he’s doing, but why say this much?

49: How does his sword balance like that?

50: Does that hand-face ever get annoyed with being in his glove?

51: Why does he want to kill all the vampires? I know, it’s probably explained in the books, but this is a movie, damn it!

52: Do vampires seriously believe that women get their periods during a red moon?

53: How does his hand have the power to put people to sleep?

54: How could Larmica have just figured out all this stuff about Doris, when she hasn’t even seen her yet?

55: Why is Rei going up into the air, when D didn’t throw him in that direction?

56: What kind of move was that? Open-palm jousting?

57: Did that scythe just spin in place while D drew his sword?

58: If Rei can warp space with his body, why not stab himself… And thus D… Right at the beginning of the fight?

59: Is Rei really that notorious?

60: How does Larmica know he’s a dampiel, and not just another vampire?

61: Wait… do her energy bolts create lava, or was there just underground lava waiting for the ground to be pierced?

62: Does Doris not have a proper bed?

63: Okay, I’ll buy that being half human lets you walk around in the sunlight, but… How does it make you stronger?

64: Why talk to paintings? Get a diary, or something.

65: So he can fly, too? Seriously?

66: Why would a bunch of vampires leave the front door open during the day time?

67: So, one fireball, and the giant just gives up?

68: Couldn’t Rei just stab himself with a wooden stake, and re-assign the blow to D’s heart? Wouldn’t that be the efficient thing to do?

69: How did his cape do that? Seriously! Even if it has a mind of it’s own and can stretch to cover the distance he’s already dropped, there’s no way it could have enough traction to grab hold like that!

70: Did a war really take place that far underground 10,00 years ago?

71: And even if it did, how are those skeletons still there, with no signs of decomposition? Fossilization happens under tons of dirt, people.

72: What are those snake women doing down there?

73: How long is ‘ages,’ exactly?

74: Why the hell would he ask her that, out of nowhere?

75: Why do the Dcotor… And Dan… Seem to know so much about D?

76: Why leave your security system in reach of people who you’re trying to keep out?

77: Hold the fuck up! What is the giant’s face doing in their doorway? He was not that big before!

78: And even if he was, how did he get into that position? Did he bury himself up to his neck in front of their house?

79: Or is he just lying flat on his stomach?

80: Let me get this straight… He crashes his head through the door just to deliver the spider guy into the house? I hate to break it to you, but the giant has a fist, and the spider guy has legs.

81: How did Bat guy get in there, with Giant’s face blocking the door?

82: Do those spiders just have the doctor paralyzed with fear? Man up, Doc!

83: Why did D wait this long to slay those snake women?

84: How did D get upstairs that quickly?

85: How long is his sword, again? Because spiderguy got a running start.

86: Did that giant just appear out of nowhere?! That guy makes no damn sense!

87: Why didn’t he throw that bomb?

88: How did D know where to meet Rei?

89: How exactly did Greco manage to make that switch?

90: And how did Greco have an ordinary candle on hand that looked exactly like the Incense of time?

91: Did her boob really have to just pop out right there?

92: WAIT! If the doctor is a vampire now, then how was he unnaffected by the cross?

93: Why doesn’t she get out of the carriage and run?

94: How has he not realized that Doris is a beautiful woman? I mean, even if he’s never been attracted to her, he could have at least acknowledged it.

95: How far is beyond his reach?

96: How did Greco know where the carriage would be?

97: THAT was enough to set him off? He’s heard worse…

98: Why does Doris look cross-eyed in the shower?

99: Why is she so in love with D? Seriously! There has been no romantic development between them whatsoever!

100: Did they really just quote The Empire Strikes Back? Those lazy Nerfherders!

101: Why is D’s hand so fixated on his sex life? Is he secretly hoping D will use him to grab some boob, or something?

102: How does Rei know Greco stole the candle?

103: Okay… We find out later that D is stronger than Lee. How does the incense of time cripple D, but not affect Lee at all? And shouldn’t it be less effective on someone who can walk in the sunlight?

104: How did D’s hand just rocket off of him? Blood propulsion?

105: How did Larmica live for so long without realizing she was a dampiel? Hasn’t she realized she can walk in the sunlight?

106: Why is Mr. Hand eating dirt? Please explain this.

107: What was Rei doing all the way down there?

108: How does Rei expect to gain Lee’s powers by killing him?

109: How is Rei’s body just sticking there?

110: What is this ‘visitors from the past’ deal? Are the vampires ghosts?

111: All it took was Dan’s voice to snap her out of it?

112: How does D know Larmica’s a Dampiel? He wasn’t there for that reveal!

113: So, as tough as vampires are, she’s just planning to die from falling rubble?

114: I don’t even want to know what’s going on with the sun. I won’t ask.

115: Is it just me, or does that lake look kind of like Goofy’s profile?

Update:  Hey guys, Naru here, alerting you to a sudden change in plans.  I was originally intending to do four horror based reviews plus this one this October, since there are five Saturdays this month, but I was unexpectedly intrigued by a certain horror movie a few days ago.  I’m going to shuffle one of those planned reviews into my November line-up and replace it in the October line-up with a review of that movie, which I have a surprising amount to say about.  But this coming Saturday, I’m going to post a review of one of the most notorious horror anime out there…  Ghost Stories!

Hey, I never said it was notorious for being scary.

Whew… It’s been a while since I did an Inconvenient Questions post, hasn’t it? I did Big Hero 6 while it was still in theaters, and I’d like to thank you guys for making it one of my most viewed posts ever, but that was back in the fall. I really need to get back in the saddle on this thing. But in order to do a proper Inconvenient Questions post, I need a movie or mini-series that doesn’t make any damn sense. I need one that Cinema Sins hasn’t gotten to yet. In other words, for the first time, I’m doing an anime movie.

But which one should it be? There’s no point to using the pokemon movies, and while the Steins Gate movie was certainly idiotic, there aren’t that many questions I can ask about it. No, I promised to do FMA and Negima this month, and since I already tore the Negima movie to pieces, I guess that leaves FMA Brotherhood’s big movie, The Sacred Star of Milos. Apparently Japancinema.net calls it the best entry in the franchise, so let’s see if that claim holds up.

As usual, this post is going to contain spoilers. I’m watching the whole movie straight through, and I won’t be giving context for most of these questions, so if you’re looking to keep up, it’s best you buy a copy for yourself and watch along with me!

Let’s get this thing started!

1: Not sure how I feel about that Bones logo.

2: Opening exposition says that the Alchemist who opens the doorway will find a true nightmare. Does that mean this movie will be exploring the other side of the door?

3: Why am I getting flashbacks to the movie Anastasia?

4: Why would you give your child daughter a window seat to a firing squad slaughter? Wouldn’t a good parent sit her in the aisle, so she wouldn’t have to see it?

5: How can she sleep with her head on a thin wooden armrest? We’re talking serious neck pain here.

6: Has he really read those books so often that he’s memorized the page layouts, and can immediately pick out a page that shouldn’t be there? Based on her reaction to seeing him read them, and his willingness to let her see him do it, I’m guessing she wouldn’t be so surprised if that were the case.

7: Loved one goes to investigate scary noise cliché. And why does she go after him?

8: Ed getting scared by a party popper is really funny, but how did a heavy suit of armor sneak up on him?

9: An explosion from another building that far away broke their windows? Mythbusters frowns upon this.

10: How did Ed and Al drop out of the air to surprise him?

11: How did he activate that transmutation circle on his palm? By willing it so? There has to be some kind of cause and effect here…

12: How much blood did he lose making those other circles, exactly?

13: Why does Mustang have such a tsundere-like reaction when he sees the Elrics?

14: Nobody else investigating that crime scene noticed that missing picture from the paper? And why wouldn’t he take the whole article? Hell, if he has no qualms about blasting a hole in the side of the building, why not stuff the whole damn page in his pocket?

15:  And if he has something on him that can cut the picture that neatly, then why did he have to bite his finger to bleed?

16: Blasphemy, that island clearly looks like a Jellyfish!

17: Shouldn’t Ed and Al be upstanding citizens, providing an example for people to follow? Why didn’t they buy train tickets? I wouldn’t have pegged them as the power abusing type.

18: Yeah, border towns are so annoying… How dare they expect you to follow the law!

19: Why did they take off their masks before running away? Would have saved time by leaving them on…

20: How did that dapper gent hear them from another car?

21: Why are spies so bad at their jobs?

22: What train are they on, the coincidence express?

22A: I’ll give them one thing, it’s the most well animated entry in the franchise. This is some Miyzaki quality shit.

23: Wait, the passengers were all waiting to ambush the flying terrorists who were waiting to ambush them, and the poor military didn’t know about it?

24: How does anybody… Even a werewolf… Survive that jump?

25: Why are the military such poor shots? Are they the same ones from Pixels? I bet Adam Sandler could take down all of those gliders.

26: Shouldn’t the soldiers have swapped out their blue uniforms for red ones? Because, you know…

27: How does Al see that woman so clearly from so far away?

28: And how did she grab that thing in free-fall while spinning like a top, with only one hand?

29: The weight of her body pulls Al’s head off, but doesn’t pull his arm out of it’s socket? You’re lucky that rescue scene was so awesome, or I’d be pissed right now.

30: Hold up. How do all of these people instantly grasp exactly what happened to Al?

31: How did Ed transmute rope from metal?

32: Why is Winry in this movie? Is she here to drop that plot point about his arm being numb, so it can come into play later? Well, job done, you go now.

33: Again, why is Mustang acting like such a tsundere?

34: So Armstrong’s the one who cut that picture out of the newspaper? He then hid the paper under the prisoner’s mattress, just so he could give the picture to Mustang? I know I’ve run into more convoluted excuses for cameos before, but they all involved Stan Lee.

35: Can’t Al use alchemy to escape that cell?

36: So not only has this society that doesn’t understand God’s domain know all about human transmutation and seeing the gate, but Julia knows who the Elric Brothers are? More on this later.

37: A couple of brilliant scientists didn’t understand what lava is. They thought it was like freaking mako from FF7. Can I have my money back?

38: Miranda’s the only female member of this terrorist group… She must be an important character.

39: Does Julia know what brainwashing is?

40: Oh god, more of this… Why do they think a volcano is going to gain their society it’s independence?!

41: How did Ed pinpoint all of those people hiding underground?

42: Does all of Amestris get the same newspaper?

43: They’re taking Winry with them? Why?

44: If there’s an automail engineer in Milos, doesn’t that make Winry’s inclusion in this story kind of pointless?

45: Oh, so it’s not just the hicks in Milos, but it’s also the Cretans who want to use the magma for energy. Does anybody in Amestris know how volcanoes work?

46: Shouldn’t the secret police be better at not tripping alarms?

47: That’s not a very well-hidden tunnel exit, you know.

48: They shoot people on sight for climbing the cliff, but Julia just got arrested? What the hell’s so special about her?

49: Oh no, Pedro… Who’s going to tell his sexy wife?!

50: When is she going to ask her brother what happened that night?

51: Doesn’t healing alchemy technically count as human transmutation?

52: What was that thing he turned into earrings? Was that a landmine?

53: Snap-on earrings? Those don’t hold very well.

54: So Al was just biding his time? Okay, so, these people have researched Alchemy. They know what it can do. Instead of handcuffing Al, wouldn’t it have made more sense to separate him into pieces and put each one in a different cell? Even if they didn’t expect a suit of armor to have enough strength to break a pair of cuffs, they should have figured that he has the ability to take his damn hands off. Hell, HE should have thought of that.

55: Through all of their alchemical research, they somehow got the wrong name for the Philosopher’s stone… And only the Philosopher’s Stone? Wait, let me guess… They called it the Sanguine Star so they wouldn’t have to put the words “Philosopher’s Stone” in the title. The fact that it’s the same damn macguffin the rest of the series is based around is supposed to be some big spoiler, isn’t it?

56: Three identical wolf chimeras? What’s up with that?

57: I get the Elric brothers needing floatation devices, but why doesn’t Julia know how to swim?

58: So Miranda knows the stone has pultiple names, but Julia didn’t until now?

59: Hey, buddy… You’re cutting your hand pretty deeply. Does it hurt?

60: Why are they dumping all of this exposition on the Elric Brothers? Do they really need to know all of this?

61: They automatically believe that the star requires human lives? Nobody’s going to ask for clarification, or evidence, or something? At the very least, I would have asked “Where did you hear that?”

62: And her parents knew about it? How the hell did they figure it out?

63: Wasn’t that Ashley guy cutting up his hand earlier? Where’s all the blood?

63A: Not a question… I’d just like to point out how funny it is to hear somebody who was cutting an inch-deep shape into his own hand ask somebody else how much blood they’re planning to spill.

64: Oh shut up, Ed. Without the stone, they’ll just get killed anyway. Can’t you get off of your high horse and look for a way to help them succeed without the stone? Oh right, you’re only that smart in the original series.

65: So men in this society die in combat, but women die picking flowers and giving birth? That seems mighty patriarchal for a society that has a woman in charge of her own air force.

66: Are Mustang, Hawkeye and Winry going to serve any purpose to this story other than dumping exposition? Oh, and I just love how Mustang claims dwelling on the past is pointless. I agree, the present story doesn’t need to be overstuffed with character’s from the show’s past.

67: Why isn’t Winry sitting with them?

68: Was Ashley’s backstory recycled from Scar?

69: And was moustache-guy recycled from Yoki?

70: There are a few dots missing, Al. Pay attention.

71: Did she just call an old man by the title of “Old Man?” Jeez, even Old Man MacGucket gets more respect than that.

72: How did that bracelet get so much bigger?

73: Was this shot of an underground ghost town… No, it can’t be. They couldn’t have stolen this idea from Conqueror of Shamballah. There’s no way they’d be that stupid. Is there?

74: Man, I don’t know what to question first. The fact that moustache guy was following them undetected, or the fact that he was REALLY banking on them putting the tomb’s lid back where they found it when they opened it up. Can I just ask both?

75: Why is Creta on fire? Did I miss something?

76: If Alphonse can use alchemy with his hands off, without creating a circle, does that mean this movie takes place AFTER he saw the doorway?

77: I know I used this joke already, but are blue coats the new red shirts?

78: HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE. Now, I know enough about storytelling to know what “Men are expendable” means. It means that in a fictional story, it’s easier to see a bunch of male no-names die, so you can kill them by the dozens. But female deaths are reserved for making the audience feel bad, and for making the villains appear more evil. It’s lazy, it’s sexist, and if this movie really built the Milosian army with the express purpose of employing this trope, then that’s just disgusting. That’s the specific reason why Miranda is the only female member of her own army… So she could be betrayed and stabbed in this scene. “Oh no… I’ve seen more than twenty people did in this movie, but a man stabbing a woman? That’s just tragic!” Are you fucking kidding me?

79: How much blood does she have in her? I doubt one person could fill those pipes alone. Or hell, even that second person.

80: Were her boob size suddenly increased to make this stabbed-in-the-lower-back scenario look more sexual?

81: Why does his voice get raspier the second he reveals his evilness?

82: Also, why do you need blood to complete a transmutation circle? I mean, I thought all you needed was the circle, and enough human lives standing inside of that circle. If the pipes are already in the shape of the circle, shouldn’t it have already made the stone by now?

83: Why explain all of this before you kill her?

84: Now he’s ripping her clothes off? Isn’t there enough sexualized man-on-woman violence in this scene?

85: Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just casually bleeding from an open wound in my side.

86: How is Miranda still alive? And how is that guy just now starting to feel pain?

87: How does that transmutation circle know what angle it’s supposed to be viewed from to be correct?

88: For Ed to pull that much material out of the tower they’re standing on, wouldn’t he have had to reduce the tower’s mass significantly?

89: -There’s really a stone just sitting right there out in the open, just waiting to be taken?

90: What kind of alchemy does faux-Ashley specialize in, exactly? There has to be some in-universe science behind it, right? How is he just shooting lightning?

91: Wait, that’s how the Philosophers Stone works? You have to swallow it? Seriously?

92: Didn’t Roy and Riza know Ed was in the area before they departed? Why are they surprised to see him?

93: Was catching moustache guy the only plot-specific purpose that Hawkeye had? There are other ways that could have been done…

94: If Ed is such a good alchemist that he can create something as intricate as a pulley with a long-ass rope in it, then why can’t he just use alchemy to fix his automail arm?

95: Winry, there is literally no reason why Ed couldn’t have just visited that Milosian automail engineer without you. I mean, if he was Ed’s one hope and then he died, you showing up in the nick of time to use his inventory and then struggling against time to understand his foreign tools would have been pretty bad-ass, but that didn’t happen, did it? REMIND ME WHY YOU’RE HERE?!

96: Is it so those EdXWin junkies wouldn’t be bored?

97: Where the hell did her brother come from? Where was he hiding this whole time? You can’t just deus ex machina this shit, it’s too important!

98: I know this is a common enough movie mistake, but you do know lava doesn’t have to touch you to burn you, right?

99: Couldn’t the Philosopher’s Stone just turn the lava into water? It’s supposed to break all the rules, so why the fuck would this be impossible?

100: Al and Julia should be dead by now. There’s no way around it. That rock may be blocking the lava from touching them, but it… along with the ground they’re standing on… Should be superheated by now. That, along with the lava flowing all around them, they’re both basically in the world’s hottest oven right now. How far can peoples’ suspension of disbelief stretch, anyway?

101: Oh, for crying out loud… Ashley’s mask isn’t a flat object. It has three dimensions. In order for Ed to cut it in half, he’d have to have cut open his face, too. I’ve had three Irish Carbombs since the movie started, so how am I not drunk enough for this shit to make sense?

102: And if we’re doing random, pointless cameos, how has the construction of a giant Stone transmutation circle not caught the attention of the homunculi?

103: HOW THE FUCK DID JULIA GET AWAY FROM THE LAVA THAT WAS SURROUNDING HER, AND HOW DID SHE DO IT WITHOUT TAKING ANY DAMAGE?!?!

104: And how did an earring amplify her power so much? Is that earring more powerful than a fucking Philosopher’s Stone?

105: Couldn’t the Philosopher’s Stone just turn the lava… And the entire volcano… Into a solid rock?

106: So, each stone has a power output limit before they disappear into thin air?

107: If Mustang, Hawkeye and Winry weren’t in this movie, would the outcome have been any different? Like, if the Milosian engineer fixed Ed’s arm, and Moustache guy just fell to this death, would anything have turned out differently without those three?

108: So, Julia saw the gate, but can she transmute without a circle now? I think I’d like to see her do that at least once.

109: Why does he think she’s pretty now? She was pretty before.

110: Why’s Ashley putting the mask back on if his face is fixed? Is this, like, a V for Vendetta situation?

111: Why exactly is this movie held in such high regard? It’s really well animated, and has a lot of awesome action set pieces, but it’s terribly written, and it doesn’t make any sense. Why the intense fanhood?

And that’s that, folks.  I’d love to see your answers if you have any.  In the mean time, stay tuned next week for a post about a topic that’ll be near and dear to any Negima fan’s heart.  As for Inconvenient Questions, you won’t have to wait more than half a year for the next one…  I’ll be posting one in October!

See you then?

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