By this point, we’ve all had a chance to see the newest DC Universe animated movie, The Judas contract, the second movie in their reimagining of the Teen titans property. It’s the second movie, which also means it’s the second time they’ve taken on a popular storyline from the comics and old cartoon… Last time it was the Trigon arc, this time it’s the Terra arc, which you already know I wasn’t too fond of in the cartoon. They did a pretty solid job with the first movie, despite placing the popular story arc in the hands of a brand new team and timeline and changing a lot of details, and in my opinion, they did even better with The Judas Contract. They combined the comic and cartoon versions of the arc in a way that added depth and conflict to the former, as well as reason and logic to the latter, and it was pretty funny to boot. They used the popular story to create their own mythology and canon, and if you consider just how “of the times” the other two tellings were, that’s really the right way to go.
But now that we have two good Teen titans movies, it’s time to look back at the FIRST Teen Titans movie, Trouble in Tokyo. One of my readers, Owen, asked me to write a piece on it, and while I originally promised to write a full review, but now that I’ve rewatched it, I honestly don’t have a strong opinion on it. I don’t like it, but I don’t hate it. It’s just a dumb movie full of dumb shit. and what do I do with dumb movies that are full of dumb shit? That’s right, I do Inconvenient questions posts on them! And okay, fine , I know I just did one of these last week, and that’s a little tacky, but hey, I work for myself, and I’m not exactly going to fire myself. I mean, unless I start investigating my own ties to Russia, in which case I’ll HAVE to fire myself. Man that would be an awkward meeting.
For those of you who are new to Inconvenient question, I go through a movie or mini-series and ask every single question I can think to ask, in sequential order. I’ll also be giving out time-stamps for each question, so if you’re watching the movie while reading, there’ll be no question as to what each question is referring to.
What more can I say, except… Go!
1: 00:00:16 How is there room between two busy lanes of traffic for one car to straddle the line, let alone a large truck?
2: 00:00:27He was driving on the line a few seconds ago, now he’s wedged right between two lines? How are the separations that close together, and how much has he moved since stopping?
3: 00:00:35 Weren’t those lanes busy a second ago?
4: 00:00:40 how are the lanes already busy again, despite an explosion, a man lying in the middle of the street, and that giant truck still stuck there? And speaking of which, how did a truck like that one come to such an abrupt stop without losing control of it’s trailer?
5: 00:01:00 What are they standing on?
6: 00:01:20 They were clearly standing on a stone surface before, now they’re on the back of a bus?
7: 00:01:40 Instead of Robin wasting rockets, wouldn’t it have been more sensible for Raven and Starfire to hit him with their powers?
8: 00:01:53 how hard is that Turtle Shell?
9: 00:02:27 Raven normally flies like Starfire, more or less. She’s never flown on a disk before, that I know of. Is she doing it now JUST for the sake of an unfunny joke with Beatboy?
10: 00:02:45 Okay, so, remember Green Hornet? It was awful. One of the worst moments was when Seth was fleeing the scene of a crime, so a police officer drives up alongside him and tries to shoot him through his window. It was obviously done to show us that the windows are bulletproof, but that doesn’t change the fact that an officer of the law… Presumably trained for his job… Tried to kill a petty thief who was driving a heavy motor vehicle. If the window WASN’T unbreakable, his car would have turned into a fucking missile of destruction and death. It’s the example I always come back to when talking about lazy, contrived writing, and the consequences of having a “The ends justifies the means” attitude towards your story. No matter what your goal is, you have to be mindful of the implications you’re making, if you give two shits about what you’re writing. For example, the writers of this movie want to show us that this villain can rematerialize lost limbs, but what they’re really telling us is how willing Cyborg is to FUCKING MAIM PEOPLE.
11: 00:02:49 This fucking movie… Cyborg’s window isn’t broken, and he has no sunroof. How did that bomb just land there without breaking through anything?
12: 00:03:03 In what universe did Starfire think this was a good idea?
13: 00:03:20 how did the extra weight of catching Starfire not throw Robin off balance on his motorcycle?
14: 00:04:00 And how did he get his motorcycle on top of the train? Wouldn’t that train also mess with his speed? He’d go too fast or too slow, depending on it’s direction!
15: 00:04:35 Why is the power of his bombs so inconsistent?
16: And if the tower has windows looking outside, why does the outside surface just look like a solid, rocky plain?
17: 00:04:45 Why couldn’t we see all the damage he’s done so far in the shot behind Raven?
18: 00:05:45 He flew down the surface of the tower, throwing energy blasts through it. The damage he did looks nothing like the damage we see in their living room. And shouldn’t they be used to their home being destroyed by now? It happened so often in the series!
19: 00:05:54 Hypothetically, would Beastboy be so obsessed with the idea of going on a vacation if the story wasn’t leading there?
20: 00:06:00 Can’t they just buy a new sofa? And why can’t he build one, if he’s able to build a car? Or is he just rubbish when it comes to upholstery?
21: 00:06:24 Shouldn’t the removal of larger debris come before dusting? and with the windows broken inwards like that, is it really such a good idea to dust on your knees?
22: 00:06:32 Okay, I don’t recall the titans taking a vacation, but they traveled to other countries all the time, and Beastboy never called any of THOSE trips vacations.
23: 00:07:06 You had to be expecting me to comment on this one. How the hell does that translation computer work? Is it like that ear thing from Hitchhikers Guide? does it change the air in a way that speech is altered to English in mid wave? And Japanese isn’t just made of different words from English, it’s structured differently, as well. How does it know what words to translate before those words are even spoken in the untranslated sentence? for crying out loud, Starfire learning languages by kissing makes more sense than this.
24: 00:07:45 Considering what we learn later, is Psychotek putting on an act right now? And wouldn’t it make more sense for him to just tell Robin “If you want answers, go to Shinjuku?” I have more questions about this, but I’ll get to them later.
25: 00:08:23 And maybe this script wasn’t idiot-proof. Seriously, was this thing adapted from a church play? you know, where parents write lame jokes for their kids in order to exploit how cute they are saying them?
26: 00:08:43 Why does robin pick Tokyo, out of all of Japan?
27: I’m going to ignore this musical title sequence. Not because it makes sense in some kind of way… I mean, not only do none of the things they pack show up anywhere else in the movie, but they never pack for any other international mission, and only one of them is seeing this as a vacation… Personally, I believe in the “One reality principal,” which I may have made up, that states that every single thing that happens in a fictional universe is canon to that universe regardless of tone or intention, so I’m not writing this off as an excusable comedy sequence either… I’m skipping it to preserve both my time and my sanity. To summarize, Starfire’s clothes should be covered in alien bile, Cyborg has a sentient extra head, they’re flying in aimless circles, and there’s an island with portapotties on it. None of it’s funny, let’s just move on.
28: 00:10:53 Okay, one question: How is Beastboy moving into other peoples’ pods to take pictures of them?
29: 00:11:00 That’s not Mount Fuji, is it? Fuji’s in Honshu, not Tokyo, which generally isn’t a mountainous city. Unless that’s Mount Takao, I’m calling bullshit.
30: 00:11:24 A left at Hawaii? That would mean they were traveling North from South America!
31: 00:11:28 Has Beastboy seriously never heard the full name of the great wall? Because it’s popularly known as “The Great Wall of China.” Has it NEVER been referred to as anything other than “The Great Wall” in his presence?
32: 00:11:40 Where to begin… First of all, if you’re doing a tribute to Japanese culture, don’t treat the viewer like an idiot, just call it Manga. Second of all, there are a ton of MANGA manufacturers, what makes this one so important to him? And what does he hope to get out of taking a tour in Japanese? What’s he expecting to see other than a bunch of offices? There may be artwork on the walls, sure, but are they franchises he likes?
33: 00:12:12 What are they walking on? The surface of the Death Star? And how do they not know they’re being filmed? I mean, it’s from behind, but there’d have to be some kind of floating camera following them, and at the very least Robin or Raven would notice it.
34: 00:13:28 i’m pretty sure the area he’s referring to is Kabukicho, a legitimately dangerous red light district in Shinjuku… But would a brochure really advertise that,though? And if so, how did he read it? Raven couldn’t findanything in english later on.
35: 00:13:57 I like the rare burst of continuity we’re seeing here, but even “alien logic” doesn’t explain how Starfire can do this.
36: 00:15:00 Despite some inaccuracies, the portrayal of Japan has been mostly respectful up until this point. Do we really need a giant monster attack? And why would any Japanese person, who doesn’t have the same perspective of Japanese culture as Americans do, resort to such a cheap cliche?
37: 00:15:18 And with all those wires down, shouldn’t the rest of the movie take place in the middle of a widespread black-out?
38: 00:16:14 If the villain made this thing out of ink, why wouldn’t he make it move faster and do more things to make it a legitimate threat? He’s not very imaginative, is he?
39: 00:16:19 how does the amount of gas a car consumes dictate how much damage it will deliver as a projectile?
40: 00:16:39 Is that seriously the best it can do? Shoot ink? Why not acid? Why not fire? The last villain they fought could create explosions, so don’t tell me that a giant monster should only be able to shoot ink! He shouldn’t be limited to the threat level of a Nickelodeon game show.
41: 00:16:48 One of my only complaints about The Judas Contract was Cyborg’s unexplained absence, but he looks so stupid in this scene that I don’t care anymore.
42: 00:17:06 Not that Starfire looks any smarter here…
43: 00:17:16 Wait, is that monster made of ink, or electronics?
44: 00:17:33 You know, it would have been funnier if she insulted his shirt by saying “Just pretend it’s part of the design.”
45: 00:17:55 How big is the deathtoll in this sequence? Those can’t all be abandoned buildings.
46: 00:18:06 The monster was slow moving. How did it catch up with where robin was on a speeding train in time to smash him with it’s tail?
47: 00:18:19 Where did that ring of green fire go?
48: 00:18:30 Are those clown cars? How many soldiers can fit in each one?
49: 00:20:11 THIS is their portrayal of Japanese law enforcement? Did the writers do any research? Any, whatsoever?
50: 00:20:24 I have to ask, how much of this police building’s architecture was inspired by Evangelion?
51: 00:20:34 How does it not cross the titans minds that a police force full of hundreds of identical silent, masked minions might not be on the up and up?
52: 00:21:00 HEY DUMBASSES, you can increase something by whatever percent you want, but it doesn’t work that way for decreasing. Once something’s decreased by 100 percent, it’s gone. To decrease something by 200 percent, you’re talking about it being twice ZERO. You’re either lying through your teeth, or you’re dealing with imaginary numbers. Who runs your operation, Donald Trump?
53: 00:22:10 Oh, the balls on these writers… Yeah, Robin’s the one who’s ignorant of Japan’s culture. Brushogun’s a myth, but giant fucking dinosaurs are such an everyday occurrence that soldiers are specifically trained to deal with them. Your permission to use our equipment is now revoked, young hero! And why the fuck would the news of Brushogun being based on a fictional story dissuade robin? He has evidence that Brushogun exists from his encounter with Psychotek, and oh yeah, for those of you who are ignorant of American culture, Robin used to work for this one dude who fought characters based on fictional stories on a regular basis. How many fucking Alice in Wonderland villains has robin encountered by this point? Is the idea that someone might be basing their actions on an old story so impossible to him? Fuck this movie.
54: 00:22:26 If Robin needed a computer to translate Japanese for him, and Starfire had to kiss someone to learn it, and Raven struggles with the language barrier later on, then why the hell are there so many characters in this movie who speak English without provocation, and even to each other, despite both being Japanese? It happens a lot in this movie, but i’m isolating it here, because… Mr. Mayor? Seriously? Is that something a Japanese person would EVER say?
55: 00:22:35 They travel to other countries as heroes on a mission a lot, so it never feels like an issue, but if a member of the local government is calling them tourists, then I’d like to remind you that they’re there illegally…
56: 00:23:13 did she just tell Robin not to blame Robin?
57: 00:23:40 Why does Beastboy keep dragging his friends to that building? Why can’t he just go by himself?
58: 00:24:00 You know, this might be the place in the script where someone, likely Cyborg, actually tries to reason with Robin about taking a little bit of time off, instead of just throwing out another unfunny, loud, shouting sight gag. It might even help Robin, and even the whole team, to have an arc outside of “DURHURHUR let’s make the main couple kiss!”
59: 00:24:13 *Sigh* Where’s the camera recording them, why is he saying this out loud, why is he speaking English when he’s alone. I’m going to be repeating the same complaints a lot in this piece if I’m not careful.
60: 00:25:06 Am I to understand that Cyborg understands a bit of Japanese? I mean, it makes sense, since his brain is part computer, but why didn’t he employ this knowledge elsewhere? Or did he just memorize the words “All you can eat” in every language just in case?
61: 00:25:33 Why doesn’t Beastboy just, you know, go to a manga store or something?
62: 00:26:47 Okay… Jesus Christ… It’s a combination of Dance Dance Revolution, Guitar Hero and Whack-a-mole. Not entirely unfeasible, but what the hell’s the helmet for? Wouldn’t it prevent her from seeing the screen that she’s supposed to be paying attention to?
63: 00:27:40 how does Raven know Latin, a dead language, but not the classic second language choices like French, Spanish and Japanese?
64: 00:27:56 you probably feel like he’s still out there somewhere because you’ve still got at least two brain cells working, and they just happen to occasionally bump into each other.
65: 00:28:30 The will-they-won’t-they dynamic between Starfire and Robin was always the weakest element of the series, to me at least. I could never piece together why there was anything between them, outside of the fact that Robin’s the central character and Starfire’s slightly more traditionally attractive than Raven. That’s not to say it was never good… There was some nice developmental dialogue between them in Stranded, after all… But it always felt forced and shallow, and the George Lucas romantic dialogue they get to spew out during this movie doesn’t help.
66: 00:29:14 “Fear? No way, my brain cells bumped into each other again! I just remembered something I already knew that just happened to be one of the only details I had to go on in the first place! Brushogun MUST be real, he MUST be! Captain Fucking Obvious, AWAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!”
67: 00:29:16 Oh, and poor Starfire… She’s learned so many languages through lip contact, and she was just about to finally learn to speak in tongues.
68: 00:29:35 There’s nothing fun about WATCHING it, either.
69: 00:29:56 You know, I love how this whole story arc began when Robin got jealous of Starfire casually kissing someone, and now Star’s the one acting thirsty while Robin acts cold. These two are are all over the place.
70: 00:31:00 Do Raven and Cyborg have anything important to do in this movie? I’ll get to Raven in a moment, but did they really have to pull the old “Hungry character can eat too much for an all you can eat buffet” cliche just to keep him active in the story? They basically turned him into a “yo mama” joke.
71: 00:31:05 And if every English speaking Japanese character that we’ve seen so far has spoken accented but perfect English, why does THIS one speak in stereotypes?
72: 00:31:27 Wouldn’t live squid have been more of a challenge?
73: 00:31:30 Oh and by the way, Beastboy, if the girl you’re chasing has been running so long that the sun’s gone down, maybe this is more of a blurred lines situation than you think.
74: 00:31:42 Yelling that you’re an otaku will probably not convince a girl to stop running away from you.
75: 00:32:15 For real, I actually do like this scene. It really does capture how weird Japanese song lyrics sound when translated directly. Well, at least anime themes. also, random Ganguro girl in the audience, but would she really be hanging out with a bunch of normal girls?
76: 00:33:43 More of a Japanese guy monologing to himself in English. Whatever. But is that really what rbin’s next idea was? to change locations, but continue to examine the weapon he stole?
77: 00:36:00 I’ve got nothing against this fight, but why is Brushogun sending goons after the Titans in the first place? They’re at a dead end! They’ve got nothing! The only clue they have to go on is the fact that a villain they fought back home came from Japan. They don’t even know what that villain’s motives were, and since he started off by attacking cars and didn’t try to fight the Tower until the Titans attacked him, they don’t know he was sent for them. They have no idea what the situation is, they have no idea what’s going on, and if they weren’t attacked by ink-based minions, they never would have even scratched the surface of Brushogun’s crimes. This whole situation, and I mean every part of it, was just a lazy, half-assed scheme to put the Titans in Tokyo, so the studio could exploit the anime fans who were pissed about the series being cancelled. Prove me wrong. Prove to me that even an ounce of passion or creativity went into this shit.
78: 00:36:43 If Robin were under some sort of mental duress, it would make sense for him to go ham on his enemy like this. If it were an actual person who could be killed, he would have rolled him over and pinned his arm behind his back, or something. For him to fight murderously against someone he thinks is human who attacked him out of the blue while he was of a relatively even state of mind… t feels completely out of character, am I right?
79: 00:37:30 Why doesn’t he mention that he did it in self defense?
80: 00:37:31 Does nobody seriously notice that the blood stains are pink? I feel like that would be a huge thing.
81: 00:38:26 And yet you did. sorry, robin, but the way you were punching him, any regular human would be dead.
82: 00:38:46 Wait, Tokyo does not tolerate vigilantes? Then why didn’t they get arrested for fighting Klodzilla? Why did you almost let them use your station for their investigation?
83: 00:39:20 Why is the book-keeper speaking to her in English? I know a lot of Japanese people can speak our language, but how can he tell at first glance that it’s what she speaks?
84: 00:39:50 Think about it… Do we really need Raven’s reveal about Brushogun not being a myth? What does knowing that accomplish? We already knew that, and they’re going to find out anyway. If this is supposed to be a game changing reveal, you’re giving it to the wrong character for it to have any impact.
85: 00:39:53 You’ve gotta be kidding me… Beastboy has an army of girls surrounding him, and he’s going to run away from them to pursue a girl he’s never spoken to and just met that day? What’s so special about her that you can’t get from an army of chicks?
86: 00:40:25 Why not just give him the chilled monkey brains while you’re at it?
87: 00:40:33 Why can that chef breathe fire?
88: 00:41:00 Does Starfire have anything better to do than to walk around wistfully and mope over her crush?
89: 00:42:00 Oh come on, now you’re just fucking with me! Why is he talking to reporters, on TV, in English?!
90: 00:42:04 What justification does he have to make robin’s partners turn themselves in? Is guilty by association a Japanese thing?
91: 00:42:48 And how is Brushogun listening in on their communicators?
92: 00:43:30 how was that big yellow robot able to stay hidden all this time?
93: 00:43:47 Couldn’t Beastboy turn into a cat BOY is he wanted to?
94: 00:44:45 how was robin able to survive an explosion he was less than a foot away from that flipped over the truck they were inside of?
95: 00:44:52 And considering what we find out later, how can that driver be injured?
96: 00:45:06 Yes, Robin. Brushogun is real. Great job. Are we done with this now? Are we convinced? We’re not going to second guess this anymore? Good boy.
97: 00:46:00 How did Cyborg reassemble himself after that?
98: 00:46:34 Well, you could always go racist. Not a classy move, I admit, but if you’ve got nothing else to work with, there’s nothing wrong with working blue. Or, you know, green.
99: 00:46:40 Also, that cat girl’s kinda hot. She does look a bit underaged, but she’s made out of ink, so… What would that be? Stationery rape?
100: 00:47:53 Yeah, don’t you know you’re supposed to tap people on the shoulder and make sure they’re aware before you hit them?
101: 00:48:30 So, were the writers aware that only the police in Japan are allowed to carry guns? I mean, I guess it could be an illegal gun, but this movie was produced largely in 2006(released in 2007), when there were only two gun related homicides in the entire country. Even the Yakuza tend to avoid them, so where’d this random thug get his hands on one?
102: 00:49:55 Targeting Shinjuku is one thing, but how did he know what the worst spot in town was?
103: 00:50:16 So how long ago was Brushogun alive, exactly? I forget if this was established in the film. It must have been recent, from the way this barkeep is talking about him. A bit too recent to become mythology, right?
104: 00:51:00 Wait, how did the troopers find Robin?
105: 00:51:55 Oh, for the love of… They know he’s Robin? What the fuck was the point of the disguise? What purpose did the alleyway thug scene serve, if they were able to track him to the first place he went, mobilize an entire task force to pursue him and block him in on the highway, and… Why was that scene necessary? Nothing would have changed if he’d done all of this while dressed as Robin!!!
106: 00:52:20 Can’t the helicopters go after them? Huh? Hey! Hey movie! Can’t the troopers helicopters just go after them? They have helicopters! Did you forget the helicopters?!
107: 00:53:30 so the blood was ink. Considering the body robin left behind is with the cops, and this hasn’t been discovered in time to halt the investigation, that must mean the cops are ignoring or suppressing evidence, meaning it’s very likely that the chief they met earlier has something to gain from the Team being framed and the ink thing not being revealed. That must mean he’s behind the Brushogun attacks! well, that and he’s the only other named character in the movie. It’s obvious now, but hey, let’s hold out a little while after the youngest possible viewer has already figured out your big shocking secret, huh?
108: 00:54:10 There’s about a hundred different ways this reveal could have gone down, but I’m glad they used it to give Raven a purpose in the movie. Not much of a character arc, though.
109: 00:55:08 Wait a second… I won’t say rip-off, but was this backstory inspired by the episode Spellbound? It’s not an exact match, but there are some parallels.
110: 00:55:10 Who recovered robin’s clothes?
111: 00:55:20 you know, there’s something disturbing about a bunch of fictional animated characters talking about the ethical bullet-dodge of killing someone who’s only made of ink. I mean, if they ever became aware in a meta sense, they’d deeply regret this conversation.
112: 00:55:33 Did he just change clothes in front of them? Is that why Starfire looks so star-struck?
113: 00:55:50 Why is everyone in Tokyo out to get them? Were they hypnotized, or did “Mr. Mayor“ offer a reward for their capture? I mean, not for nothing, but I can distinctly remember being told that Tokyo doesn’t tolerate vigilantes.
114: 00:55:57 How did the ink monsters find them?
115: 00:56:14 I’ve been trying to hold back on saying this for a while, but there wasn’t a lot of money available for this movie, was there? The fight scenes were kinda lame, especially with robin in the bar and the little snippets of action we got from the other team members in their fights, but now we’ve got THIS scene, and yeah, low budget, huh?
116: 00:57:13 This extended chase sequence could really use some actual Japanese music. I mean, you’re gonna have a scene like this in Japan, you could play something more appropriate and less generic, right? Oh well, at least it’s eating up time on the clock.
117: 00:57:38 And HOW does Robin know the trail leads there? I mean, the more likely scenario would be that Beastboy takes them all the way there, and gets accused of lying to bring them there. And WHO’S TRAIL IS HE SNIFFING, EVEN?!?!
118: 00:59:40 With a whole world of superheroes out there, how did Brushogun know about the titans, and why did he send for them? Batman could have handled the situation a lot quicker. And why did he send a henchman that spoke Japanese? did he know they had a translator machine? And how did he know they’d make the extreme leap of logic that he’d be in Tokyo, let alone in Shinjuku, on the incredibly vague clue that the henchman was Japanese?
119: 01:00:14 Why does he have to beat them to make copies of them? Why not just do it?
120: 01:00:25 The villain was really… the only other named character in the entire movie? I haven’t been this shocked since the sun rose yesterday!
121: 01:00:56 So if the only real criminal the Chief ever caught was Brushogun, what happened to all the other criminals? I mean, with 200 percent crime reduction…
122: 01:02:03 Wait, Robin got treated like a criminal for pursuing an investigation against a corrupt authority member? well shit, if he ever hangs up his hero boots, he’d make a great FBI director.
123: 01”01:-7 Yeah, about nobody believing Robin’s story… Having all of those soldiers made out of ink with no real identities, pasts or families must already be a nightmare in terms of insurance, taxes and payroll.
124: 01:04:40 Yeah, Chief’s body just got crushed, and now he’s dead. There’s no way he could survive that, right?
125: 01:05:12 Nah. Too easy.
126: 01:07:25 I dunno if that was intentional, but sick Akira reference. But more to the point, how is Robin gonna breathe in there?
127: 01:08:00 How did he detatch Brushogun’s tubes while working blind?
128: 01:09:40 Yay, they kissed. So what now? Is tightly-wound Robin gonna loosen up so they can go on dates and stuff? Is he capable of that? I mean, once the initial passion’s gone, I don’t see this ending well.
129: 01:10:30 So is Beastboy gonna get laid now? Or are they just gonna swarm him and make bird noises until he leaves the country?
130: 01:11:05 how did that happen again? She picked up the gum once, in front of a seller. Not a CEO, but a seller. Couldn’t her finished arc be that she bought a bunch of manga, and is going to put forth the effort to learn Japanese now?
131: 01:11:20 Is that a Japanese thing? Heroes getting medals in public? That’s not even an American thing, it just happens on TV a lot.
132: 01:11:32 And again, why is he addressing the Japanese crowd in English?
133: Out of all the show’s loose plot threads… Slade, Terra, the identity of Red X… All things a sequel to the series SHOULD have been focusing on… Why did it have to be the Robin and Starfire romance? Who even cared about that?
All right, that’s all. I’m done. No more questions. I’m going to bed.
I’ll get back to doing actual reviews next week, starting with one I’ve been meaning to do for a while, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya!