Asuka Langley Soryu vs. Kaori Miyazono

Epic Rap Battles of Anime!

Asuka Langley Soryu vs. Kaori Miyazono!

Begin!

It’s April right now, but I’m not going to lie
I’m a self-driven pilot standing high above the sky
I’m independent girl, your life revolves around a guy
You’re a manic dixie dream girl who makes people cry
I had the world on the line, your stakes are raw like my rhymes
Up until you hit puberty, you looked like you were five
You need a smaller violin to tell your tale of fake misery
You passed out on stage, and then your agency was history
I fought a great war, left it all in the trench
You died the way you lived, putting Kousei on the bench!

Let me explain myself, because you seem confused
I do to music what Rahxephon did to you
Call me Alex Delarge, I bring the ultra-violins
You never would have fought without adult guidance
I’ll put out your other eye with lines as sharp as these
Your weakness is exposed, like your panties in a breeze
When this Nazi sees an older man, she dies of thirst
Does he remind her of her Daddy? This brat’s the worst!
Kaji may have disappointed you, he’s such a hardliner
But you’re in luck cause I know how to finger a minor!

Mein gott that was lame, is that as hard as you come?
I expected better from your Lindsey Stirling silver tongue
You never told us what you died of, but I think I know the answer
You were struck down in your prime by your bout with talent cancer
You had a musical tumor, in stradi-various places
Moe Mystery Disease, and you’re just one of it’s cases
Your parents made a half-baked effort, it’s true
First they lost Nagisa, then they lost you!

Remember Anime’s Got Talent? I took home the gold!
Even your penguin can’t handle me with rhymes this cold
You’re not even in my league, I’m beloved from here to Roma
You’re so annoying that you’re only sexy in a coma
You may be a soldier at the head of your class,
But my legs don’t even work, and I can still kick your ass
I’ll leave you like your mother, that’s all she wrote
When I string your heinee up and end this battle on a high note.

Who won?  you decide!

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2 comments
  1. Hahahaha oh man, this was really funny. I’m not sure who had the better rap, but given the season I favor our favorite violinist 😉

    These are some seriously clever lines. Finger a minor? I’m rolling!

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