Hey guys, and welcome to another edition of Inconvenuent questions, the feature where I nitpick worse than the Cinemasins guys do! This is going to be my second time doing this with an anime movie, and in honor of the recently released re-dub, I’ve decided to use on of my favorite anime movies of all time, not to mention one of my very first anime movies of all time, Vampire Hunter D! The original dub!
For those of you who’ve never seen one of these posts, I basically re-watch a movie or mini-series and pause it whenever I have a burning question to ask. It doesn’t matter what kind of question it is, or even if the answer is obvious… I’ll still ask it.
So maybe you’ll go through this, see one of my questions, and you’ll have an answer for it. Maybe an explanation that I missed, or something that was explained in the books. If so, let me know in the comments.
Oh, and BTW… Spoilers.
1: Why is the moon so big, and moving so fast?
2: Why are her legs bare in tall grass? Isn’t she afraid of ticks?
3: Why is a farm girl wearing a fetish outfit? Wouldn’t over-alls be more practical?
4: Does this girl never blink? There’s grass right in her face…
5: Why’s she after that thing just for eating some fruit?
6: If she’s so afraid of letting this thing get away, why not set up traps, instead of just spotlights? Seriously, just a simple bear trap…
7: Who names a horse Luke?
8: How did they get from the tall grass to an open road?
9: Is this animal’s instinct to run out of cover during a chase?
10: If she’s such a good shot on horseback, how’d she miss earlier?
11: I’ll buy that a futuristic demon can get bacdk up without a brain, but how did it see the horse without eyes?
12: Considering it’s position, couldn’t the horse just start stomping to get it off?
13: Why didn’t she use her electric whip earlier?
14: If the werewolf’s purpose is to remove her cross, leaving her vulnerable, then why attack the already downed horse?
15: Why would he bare his fangs before introducing himself?
16: And for that matter, what’s the point of introducing himself at all?
17: How exactly is she trespassing on his turf, when his castle is so far away from that point?
18: Why is she just standing there, half naked? I’m all for women being able to dress any way they want, but she’s not even wearing a skirt at this point! You don’t see men walking around outside in their boxers just because they can!
19: So her plan was just to stand there and wait as long as it was necessary for a warrior to come down that particular path? Sounds like a crappy plan.
20: What would she do if nobody showed up? Go home, get a good nights sleep, and go back in the morning?
21: What would she do if a group of people came by, and decided to assault her?
22: How was that a nice move? She missed.
23: Where did she get that whip? Is it the same one from before?
24: Why does she want his sword, when she has a sci-fi sniper rifle and a magical whip?
25: She wasn’t really tugging on that whip, so why’d she fall down?
26: How could she tell what kind of hunter he is?
27: That’s why she attacked him? To make sure he wasn’t a coward? Okay…
28: Does the phrase “so many of the others” mean she has ACTUALLY been standing there attacking people up to now?
29: That means this is a popular road, so either she’s killing the unworthy, or somebody’s gone on to report what she’s doing, right?
30: I’m not saying it’s wrong for her to offer her body as payment, but geez, negotiate a little bit first…
31: Why does he think bullets will harm a flying cloud of death?
32: She says hi to him, and they get back at nightfall? Just how far away from the house are those sheep he’s keeping?
33: Why are all the farm animals normal animals? Couldn’t they try and tame some demon livestock, or something?
34: How does a little kid on a farm know so much about cyborg horses?
35: Has this kid even considered that maybe D hasn’t answered his question because he didn’t have time to? I mean, shut up and let him answer before assuming he doesn’t speak much!
36: Why, oh why, did I choose the dubbed version for this project? That kid’s going to make me tear my ears off. Thank God for post-Foster Sentai Filmworks.
37: How do those kids voices carry so far?
38: Seriously, am I watching Strike Witches right now? Why is she still half-naked?
39: Where did Greco’s accent come from? This doesn’t look like a very diverse community…
40: Wait, she offered her body to D in exchange for service… But she refuses the offer from Greco? I get that he’s a sleazeball, but aren’t we in desperate times here?
41: How did she insult him the other day? Can we get a flashback to that? Because it sounds like it might have been funny…
42: What did he do to her to warrant this kind of reaction? Is he such a bastard that lifelong subjugation to an almighty vampire overlord is preferable to one night with him?
43: And why is his method of seduction to just flop face-first into her?
44: Now that I think about it, how did Greco hear about her being bitten, if she hasn’t even told her brother about it yet?
45: Her brother just heard about it five minutes ago! What does his admission prove?
46: What would leaving the village solve? Unless Lee can find you, he’ll just assume the village is hiding you, and attack anyway!
47: If he’s refusing to sell to her, then why not send D in to intimidate him?
48: Why is D so talkative now? I get what he’s doing, but why say this much?
49: How does his sword balance like that?
50: Does that hand-face ever get annoyed with being in his glove?
51: Why does he want to kill all the vampires? I know, it’s probably explained in the books, but this is a movie, damn it!
52: Do vampires seriously believe that women get their periods during a red moon?
53: How does his hand have the power to put people to sleep?
54: How could Larmica have just figured out all this stuff about Doris, when she hasn’t even seen her yet?
55: Why is Rei going up into the air, when D didn’t throw him in that direction?
56: What kind of move was that? Open-palm jousting?
57: Did that scythe just spin in place while D drew his sword?
58: If Rei can warp space with his body, why not stab himself… And thus D… Right at the beginning of the fight?
59: Is Rei really that notorious?
60: How does Larmica know he’s a dampiel, and not just another vampire?
61: Wait… do her energy bolts create lava, or was there just underground lava waiting for the ground to be pierced?
62: Does Doris not have a proper bed?
63: Okay, I’ll buy that being half human lets you walk around in the sunlight, but… How does it make you stronger?
64: Why talk to paintings? Get a diary, or something.
65: So he can fly, too? Seriously?
66: Why would a bunch of vampires leave the front door open during the day time?
67: So, one fireball, and the giant just gives up?
68: Couldn’t Rei just stab himself with a wooden stake, and re-assign the blow to D’s heart? Wouldn’t that be the efficient thing to do?
69: How did his cape do that? Seriously! Even if it has a mind of it’s own and can stretch to cover the distance he’s already dropped, there’s no way it could have enough traction to grab hold like that!
70: Did a war really take place that far underground 10,00 years ago?
71: And even if it did, how are those skeletons still there, with no signs of decomposition? Fossilization happens under tons of dirt, people.
72: What are those snake women doing down there?
73: How long is ‘ages,’ exactly?
74: Why the hell would he ask her that, out of nowhere?
75: Why do the Dcotor… And Dan… Seem to know so much about D?
76: Why leave your security system in reach of people who you’re trying to keep out?
77: Hold the fuck up! What is the giant’s face doing in their doorway? He was not that big before!
78: And even if he was, how did he get into that position? Did he bury himself up to his neck in front of their house?
79: Or is he just lying flat on his stomach?
80: Let me get this straight… He crashes his head through the door just to deliver the spider guy into the house? I hate to break it to you, but the giant has a fist, and the spider guy has legs.
81: How did Bat guy get in there, with Giant’s face blocking the door?
82: Do those spiders just have the doctor paralyzed with fear? Man up, Doc!
83: Why did D wait this long to slay those snake women?
84: How did D get upstairs that quickly?
85: How long is his sword, again? Because spiderguy got a running start.
86: Did that giant just appear out of nowhere?! That guy makes no damn sense!
87: Why didn’t he throw that bomb?
88: How did D know where to meet Rei?
89: How exactly did Greco manage to make that switch?
90: And how did Greco have an ordinary candle on hand that looked exactly like the Incense of time?
91: Did her boob really have to just pop out right there?
92: WAIT! If the doctor is a vampire now, then how was he unnaffected by the cross?
93: Why doesn’t she get out of the carriage and run?
94: How has he not realized that Doris is a beautiful woman? I mean, even if he’s never been attracted to her, he could have at least acknowledged it.
95: How far is beyond his reach?
96: How did Greco know where the carriage would be?
97: THAT was enough to set him off? He’s heard worse…
98: Why does Doris look cross-eyed in the shower?
99: Why is she so in love with D? Seriously! There has been no romantic development between them whatsoever!
100: Did they really just quote The Empire Strikes Back? Those lazy Nerfherders!
101: Why is D’s hand so fixated on his sex life? Is he secretly hoping D will use him to grab some boob, or something?
102: How does Rei know Greco stole the candle?
103: Okay… We find out later that D is stronger than Lee. How does the incense of time cripple D, but not affect Lee at all? And shouldn’t it be less effective on someone who can walk in the sunlight?
104: How did D’s hand just rocket off of him? Blood propulsion?
105: How did Larmica live for so long without realizing she was a dampiel? Hasn’t she realized she can walk in the sunlight?
106: Why is Mr. Hand eating dirt? Please explain this.
107: What was Rei doing all the way down there?
108: How does Rei expect to gain Lee’s powers by killing him?
109: How is Rei’s body just sticking there?
110: What is this ‘visitors from the past’ deal? Are the vampires ghosts?
111: All it took was Dan’s voice to snap her out of it?
112: How does D know Larmica’s a Dampiel? He wasn’t there for that reveal!
113: So, as tough as vampires are, she’s just planning to die from falling rubble?
114: I don’t even want to know what’s going on with the sun. I won’t ask.
115: Is it just me, or does that lake look kind of like Goofy’s profile?
Update: Hey guys, Naru here, alerting you to a sudden change in plans. I was originally intending to do four horror based reviews plus this one this October, since there are five Saturdays this month, but I was unexpectedly intrigued by a certain horror movie a few days ago. I’m going to shuffle one of those planned reviews into my November line-up and replace it in the October line-up with a review of that movie, which I have a surprising amount to say about. But this coming Saturday, I’m going to post a review of one of the most notorious horror anime out there… Ghost Stories!
Hey, I never said it was notorious for being scary.