Hello one and all and welcome once again to the Fullmetal Narcissist anime blog!! I’m Naru, and it’s time for another installment of Inconvenient Questions! Just like I did for the movie Frozen, I’ll be watching this movie, and asking an arbitrary number of questions that I don’t think the writers wanted anybody to ask. And for my second outing with this idea, we’ll be examining the most recent My Little Pony film, Equestria girls.
By the way, I’m asking these questions in sequential order, so it might help to watch along while you’re reading.
Warning: Spoilers ahead.
1: What the hell is a princess summit?
2: Oh look, Transformers reference. Yeah, it’s not a question, but my friend insisted that I mention it.
3: Are we going to ignore every moment of development that Fluttershy has had just to give her that one pointless throwaway line?
4: After an entire trainride, is somebody just NOW noticing that Twilight isn’t wearing her crown?
5: You haven’t gotten accustomed to your wings yet? You were using them just fine at the end of the S3 finale…
6: Twilight Sparkle bumps into the one non-crystal pony in the room? I hope he’s not a love interest or anything…
6: Okay, hold up. First of all, none of them look tired. Second of all, they arrived in the middle of the day, and you’re forcing them to go off to bed. And finally, is that really what people do after a long trip? Hop right into bed? They don’t want to visit, catch up, grab a drink, have a meal, or anything? Just go right off to bed? Seriously?
7: Twilight’s a princess now, and she’s actually wondering if she’ll have responsibilities? What was she expecting exactly?
8: Celestia has wings and a crown, too. Has Celestia ever been a good leader?
9: Are Twilight’s wings spring-loaded, or something? If she has them tucked away most of the time, why are they popping open the second she tries to go to sleep?
10: Oh, great the opening credits… Has MLP finally embraced it’s dubstep fanhood?
11: How does a Unicorn’s horn, when lit up, only shine in one direction?
12: This castle is hosting four princesses, and there’s only one security guard on patrol?
-12 Questions in five minutes… This is going to be fun.
13: Where did that portal mirror come from? Who made it?
14: Wait, Celestia had a student before Twilight? What does this mean? Was Celestia originally trying to turn Sunset Shimmer into an Alicorn with five perfectly selected friends to wield the other elements? This needs to be explained!
15: They scheduled a princess summit… Whatever the hell that is… On the one day that the magic mirror was active?
16: Okay, hold on, huge plothole here! If that mirror activates once every thirty moons… Which I think means months… Then the last time it opened was 2.5 years ago, which sounds like about how long Twilight’s been in training with Celestia. So, Shimmer was there for 2.5 years… How did she know that the crown would be within reach on the one night she was able to return?
17: How does she know about the element of harmony enclosed within the crown, if she’s been away this long?
18: Why does Luna think the Element of Magic will be used for evil purposes?
19: What kind of evil pourposes could this element possibly serve?
20: How does she know they will not have the power to defend themselves? I’m sorry, but Luna was gone for 1000 years, and came back far too recently to have spent any time in that other world, so how does she know so much about it?
21: How exactly will sending all six ponies upset ANY sense of balance to ANYWHERE? Did Celestia just pull that plot out of HER plot?
22: So… If any of the humans on this side used the mirror, would they become ponies?
23: If a dog’s paw can open that door, then how exactly did a human body crashing into it not budge it?
24: Were these character designs taken from the Doug cartoon?
25: What’s the point of this Strange New World song.. A song about observing and learning the logic of this new world… if she only makes a few random observations in it? She comments that they don’t use wings and magic, but she already knew that beforehand.
26: Seriously, what would we lose by skipping this song?
27: Umm… Is this a WGWAG song? It kinda sounds like one…
28: Did Daniel Ingram really write this?
29: How does human Fluttershy not know how ugly that dog looks?
30: What would have happened if human Fluttershy had accidentily leaned up against the mirror right there?
31: In two and a half years, how has Sunset Shimmer been the ball princess three times?
32: If there’s a ball princess, is there also a ball prince?
33: If there’s already a crown that the ball princess wears, why does Principal Celestia pick a new one out of the lost and found box?
34: Is there a lost and found box, or do missing possessions just wind up being used as prizes for things?
35: If I lost my backpack, would Principal Celestia give it away in a raffle?
36: What’s this about a spring fling?
37: Has the whole “smart, nerdy and adorkable” element of Twilight’s personality just been erased for the sake of this movie?
38: Are we really going with the whole “Divide the school into cliques” trope? Seriously?
39: Why does she need to explain something to Spike that he just heard Fluttershy say?
40: Why is Spike not still inside Twilight’s backpack?
41: Why are Snips and Snails following Shimmer? Does she do magic?
42: Why is there a DJ Pon3 human, but no Octavia human?
43: How does Shimmer know what happens when you take an element of harmony into an alternate world?
44: Why is Shimmer not surprised to see a talking dog? Does she recognize Spike somehow?
45: How does Twilight know what a vending machine is for?
47: There are thousands of books in the school’s library, and the first thing Twilight tries to use is the computer?
48: Her approach to figuring out that computer seems somewhat unscientific…
49: In the human version of the Cutie Mark Crusaders” theme song, what would the word ‘pony’ have been changed to?
50: If Twilight was just pressing buttons with her fingers, then why is she using her fists like hooves all of a sudden?
51: Why didn’t she just ask Cheerilee how the copier works?
52: If Spike became a dog, what would Winona have become?
53: Hold the phone for one second. Let me work this out. A group of friends got split up by a misunderstanding, and now they have to be brought back together years later by the power of friendship just in time to perform together and attend a big party. Isn’t that the plot of that terrible Bratz movie?
54: How did Sunset Shimmer know to split up this group of friends, when she’s been in an alternate world for 2.5 years?
55: Wait… It can’t be… Is My Little Pony a TV show in this world? Has Sunset Shimmer been keeping tabs on Equestria by watching the series?
56: Was there a wig inside that dress?
57: So… None of these girls at any point tried to talk things out with each other?
58: The rules of this 2-person soccer game seem a little shady… Sometimes there’s a goalie, sometimes there isn’t?
59: I know Rainbow Dash is competitive, and I buy that she’d try to draw Twilight into a soccer match under false pretense, but why does she care about the qualifications of a ball princess?
60: Flash Sentry? Sentry, as in guard? This guy is seriously going to be a love interest, isn’t he?
61: Why does Sentry have a guitar?
62: Did they have to rehearse for this flash mob? Like in a single day?
63: Is it just me, or is this the worst song in the entire series?
64: Yeah, I’m going to rant about this. This is the most lazily written, insipid song in the entire series. Anthology 3 made a joke about this being basically a High School Musical song, but I don’t think that’s fair… High School musical wouldn’t release something this patronizing, would they?
65: Yeah, so, dig a little deeper, and we’re all the same? What’s your evidence of that? And what point are you trying to make?
66: The reunion of these characters was caused by the unraveling of an elaborate misunderstanding. It had nothing to do with the characters overcoming their many differences. With no story arc to set it up, the message of this song just sounds all the more hollow. Okay, fine, I’m done ranting, and I’ll get back to asking questions! Stop yelling at me!
67: Oh, shut up with this ‘be yourself’ bullshit! How dumb do you think your audience is?!
68: How did Snips and Snails get ears and tails from outside the cafeteria?
69: Aren’t there security cameras in the auditorium?
70: Why is the office so dark?
71: If the fake photo subplot only lasts for two minutes before getting resolved, what was the point of having it in the first place?
72: How is Celestia not immediately suspicious of Sunset for turning those photos in?
73: Why is Twilight pursuing a love interest in the middle of a mission, anyway?
74: How did Pinkie figure all that out? No, wait, cancel, this one… It’s Pinkie Pie, I’m not supposed to question it.
74: Why is nobody questioning the Pony aspect of this?
75: How does Twilight understand the ‘hands in’ gesture?
76: You know what the original series never had? Montage songs. This soundtrack is awful.
77: Wait a second! Shimmer didn’t want the ball to be postponed? Are you serious? I’m sorry, but having the ball postponed so she’d have to win the crown on another day would be the perfect solution for her, as it would make it impossible for Twilight to return the crown to Equestria!
78: Snips and Snails came up with the ‘destroy the dance’ plot all on their own? I don’t think they’re that smart OR that evil.
79: Another pointless montage song, less than five minutes after the last one? How bad can this soundtrack get?
80: Does this love interest character have, you know, a character?
81: Are they going to dump blood on her head? Please?
82: Yeah… If you swing a sledgehammer at that mirror, you’ll just send that sledgehammer to Equestria. Have we forgotten how this works?
83: Did her friends seriously just stand there and watch as she got tackled?!
84: What?! The Element of Magic can turn it’s wearer into a demon? Seriously? How the hell does that work?
85: Where did that Wilhelm scream come from?
86: What would that demon look like as a pony on the other side?
87: Was Hasbro intending to create a series of dolls that would be more terrifying than the Monster High line? Because they succeeded.
88: Screw your friendship, she can turn into a powerful demon! Doesn’t that also count as wielding the element?
89: Why is she apologizing now?
90: Is this movie implying that mean people can’t have friends? Because they totally can.
91: How is Principal Celestia taking all of this so well?
92: After learning his crush is a human-pony monster, how is Blandy-McBland-Bland still interested in her?
93: How is human Rainbow Dash already able to perfectly control her flying?
94: What relationship does she have to Scootaloo in this world?
95: Is Twilight’s dance a Seinfeld reference?
96: Doesn’t anybody want to go with her? Spend 30 moons as a pony? Just for funsies?
97: Why did she waste time at a dance when time was running out?
98: Wait, they’re not going to bring Shimmer back with them and put her in jail? Or something? Or hell, doesn’t she have a family that’s worried about her?
99: This love interest isn’t in the series, is he? I haven’’t watched any of season 4 yet.
100: Did they hide Derpy in the credits just to get her past the censors?