Hello otakus, and welcome to the Fullmetal Narcissist! I’m Narcy, and for today’s post, I’ve decided to try something a little different. This is going to be a new segment for my blog, and I call it the Inconvenient Questions Series. For these posts, i’ll be watching something popular, and asking an arbitrary number of questions that I don’t think the writers wanted anybody to ask. And for my first outing with this idea, we’ll be examining the most recent Disney animated feature, Frozen.
By the way, I’m asking these questions in sequential order, so it might help to watch along while you’re reading.
1: I really like the Ice cutters’ song, but does it have any actual purpose to the story?
2: Can you really stab blocks of ice with a pitchfork, with no resistance from below?
3: If the song says ice is stronger than 100 men, how is one man able to cut it perfectly in half with a single axe stroke? Is the ice BELOW that ice what’s supposed to be strong?
4: Does a reindeer have the same life span as a human?
5: Why was Elsa born with her powers?
6: Okay… How does a man whose daughter was born with magical Ice powers just conveniently have a book that tells him exactly where to find the nearby trolls that know about said powers?
7: How do the trolls know so much about the curse/powers?
8: I know I shouldn’t nitpick this, but how is her ice power connected to the metaphorical ideals of the heart and mind? By that logic, if I was shot in the chest with a flamethrower, would I suddenly feel a burning passion for something?
9: If Anna keeps asking her sister to make a snowman during the winter in an attempt to get her out of her room, what tactic does she use during the summer?
10: I get why Elsa has to be locked up… Okay, I don’t, but HISHE already touched on that… But why is Anna confined to the house as well?
11 Okay, here’s a big one… The fact that Elsa and Anna have survived three years without their parents means that somebody’s been taking care of them. And the family has a limited staff of servants. So, in three years, how have they not formed any social or emotional or parental or, hell, even romantic, bonds with any of them?
12: Judging from a certain song lyric, does Anna not consider them to be real people?
13: Has Anna seriously, in three years, never attempted to open a door or window?
14: Oh look, Rapunzel and Flynn… Why do people feel the need to make up theories about this, and not about the fact that Hercules killed Scar?
15: If Elsa’s just being coronated now, then who’s been in charge for the last three years?
16: If Elsa can’t touch anything without it freezing, how do her gloves not freeze?
17: Why is the Duke of Weaselton portrayed as a villain, when he seems like he’d be a really fun party guest?
18: Okay, if Anna and Elsa really have been isolated for three years, then Anna’s impulse to get married is understandable. But for Elsa to oppose it… Where did she acquire this wisdom? Was her bedroom the only room in the castle that had non-fantasy books in it?
19: I get that there’s a lot of ice on the ground, and a frozen lake, but how is it snowing? Did she shoot an ice beam at the clouds?
20: Ah, Let It Go is a beautiful moment… I’m sorry to bring this up twice, but if Elsa’s able to freeze her clothes during this sequence, then how the hell was a simple pair of gloves able to act like Cyclops’s glasses all this time?
21: Why is the merchant the only person in the movie to have an appropriate accent?
22: What are those things hanging from the trees? Are they… Vines?
23: Do the Southern Isles have, you know, a name?
24: How does Olaf know what summer is, but not what it will do to him?
25: Can Elsa’s magic create artificial intelligence, as well as unlearned knowledge?
26: Olaf’s song is clever and amusing, but what’s the point of it? More on this later.
27: Why aren’t they leaving footprints in the snow?
28: Why didn’t Olaf come alive like this when they were kids?
29: How is the snowy automaton that Elsa created on purpose somehow dumber than the one she created by mistake?
30: Why did the trolls ask Kristoff to take off his clothes?
31: Are the pairing obsessed trolls supposed to be a parody of fanfic writers?
32: How does the elder troll not only recognize Anna, but know exactly what has happened to her?
33: Why did Kristoff stop the henchman from shooting Elsa?
34: Did Olaf just go off-screen and slide under a bunch of skirts?
35: When Anna starts telling Hans about her frozen heart and ‘true loves kiss,” why does he not kiss her? Does he actually believe what she’s saying? He doesn’t think she’s delirious from the cold, or anything?
36: If Hans had kept up his act, kissed Anna, and let her die disappointed, there would have been nothing standing between him and his goals. How has he been so smart up until now?
37: Was Hans’ ‘With a heavy heart’ quote supposed to be a Lion King reference? Scar said the same thing about assuming the throne.
38: How did Olaf pick a lock with a carrot, and why does he need to, with a door that locks from the outside?
39: Why does that door lock from the outside?
40: Was Olaf’s fireplace visual gag REALLY what his entire song was setting up?
41: If Elsa’s emotional turmoil caused a huge snow storm, why would it suddenly end AFTER she learns her sister is dead? Shouldn’t it have gotten worse?
42: IF A SINGLE AXE CAN CUT THROUGH A HUGE BLOCK OF SOLID ICE, THEN HOW DOES HANS’ SWORD BREAK UPON CONTACT WITH ANNA’S FRAIL LITTLE ICE HAND?!?!
43: I like the twist here, but does Disney really think the audience is so stupid that Olaf needs to blurt it out for them to understand it?
44: So, what Olaf’s song was really building up to was… Nothing, as Elsa is able to keep him permanently alive. Does Disney really think that kids, who’ve seen Frosty the Snowman on TV by now, wouldn’t be able to handle the emotional scar of seeing a snowman melt?
45: Like Frosty, can’t Olaf just come back again next winter? He seems like he’d be easier to tolerate in small doses anyway.
46: Did that Frozen Heart one liner sound less lame in Anna’s head?
47: I don’t know what Weaselton was trading with Erendell, but is it really sensible or responsible of Elsa to cut off communication with an entire nation just because of one man’s misguided behavior?
48: Okay, Kristoff likes Anna because he’s socially awkward and hasn’t spent a lot of time with girls, and Anna likes Kristoff because a snowman told her it would be reciprocated? That sounds like a weird place to begin a relationship.
49: After moving through her sister’s ice palace and crossing a frozen lake without any problems, how is Anna just now having problems walking on ice?
50: So, that post-credits sequence… Ignoring the fact that the large automaton was able to climb back up to the palace without his feet, why hasn’t the return of summer melted him and the ice palace yet?